If i had a hammer

Should a man really be up until 4am trying to bounce track 3 and 4 to track 7 and 8, and then go to bed unsuccessful even after following the instructions?  I mean instructions are weird bastards... way too much info on the errant puffery and then at a crucial step something kind of gets sideways mentioned about some process that you should really know about.

I mean if i go and buy a hammer from the hardware store, bring it home, line up a nail and the thing surprises me with an unexpected and un-called for random back kick that knocks out my front tooth, am i then suppose to go an wade through a manual to find out how to shut off the random back kick feature of my new hammer? I guess i have to do it, cause teeth are expensive here in America... ahh there it is under functions in Menu 19... there it is on.  You wonder why somebody would put that feature in the hammer, but you know kids today... they listen to the trance music, which gives them the brain damage.

So there, i have my hammer and my nail, and my hockey helmet with face mask for good measure and it's time to get down to business... but the damn hammer won't hit the nail, are you fucking kidding me?  Oh wait i guess i need to pre enable this function... there we go, i enable the bastard, and to be honest I'm a little hot right now so i point the hammer at the nail and it leaps out of my hands hits the nail sideways and then drives it bent over into the pristine fir sideboard doing damage and causing more rage.  After another hour pouring over the fucking instructions it seems i had enabled the "bend the nail but keep smashing it into the wood sideways", also known as the "drunken carpenter" function.

Now i have to go online for help, cause that's what we do now... of course a youtube video with a man relaxing in a recliner as a hammer flies around and constructs a whole house for him as he naps in and out of consciousness.  It's a 15 minute video and the intro is 3 minutes long, and i think if i had my old hammer that nail would have been in in 4 seconds.

life was once easier

Apparently you can mention people in your blog using google +.   Just a nice little neat fucking ass hole thing technology has brought us.  I for one miss the limited options of the Luddite world and no where is it more present than with recording technology.  There is now always a maze of options one has to wade through to choose the simple thing, and often times the simple thing is no longer available.  I think if this current technology was around when we were cutting our teeth making 4 track recordings it never would have happened.  Rather than getting down to the business of laying down the song Gibbering fool, we would have been confused by menus of options, trying desperately to get out of the pre set options and into some representation of an analogue type setting.  By the time we got there the spirit of the music would be clouded by the rage of the programming and the spirit of the song would be lost.

If you wanted to re zero your start point you pushed the button by the counter and rolled... now you read a manual and scratch your head and wonder how the fuck some simple operation can become so complicated.  Almost every recording program i have used since the 4-track leaves me in a check mate position after a few moves, and so you end up going on line and watching some video of some long haired clown talking about how easy it is and what a great machine you have, but they never get to your problem, so you lose more time and get farther away from the process... less playing more menu searching... next thing you know you figure if i just reformat the card we can get out of this unfortunate situation where track 2 repeats itself for 11 minutes making your 3 minute song 11 minutes long.  So you reformat the card and start again cause it's easier... on the bright note you are better at the song this time, and you get the chance to make a few alterations by starting over, but it destroys the idea of laying demo's down while you are hot... playing hot that is, not enraged hot.

In other news we went to a trampoline place the other day, and to keep with the theme, lets just say that i am not as malleable as i once was.  It would be fair to say that i am stiff and heavy and brittle.  You see there are trampolines on the walls so with a bit of skill you can bounce, bounce, bounce on the trampoline squares and then bounce off the wall, and do a flip and bounce back, which is exactly what i saw somebody do, and it looked fun and easy so i tried it. I should have seen that the trouble i was having just bouncing in between the trampolines (with hard bars covered with thin foam) was not going to translate well for my eventual flip.  indeed when i did hit the wall trampoline it was less then graceful, and my angle was all wrong.  Of course the trampoline just rockets you back on the trajectory defined by the simple physics of the jump... this i clearly hadn't studied so my family and other onlookers were treated to a most awkward landing on my shoulder with the rotater cuff injury. 

Being a proud man i got back on my feet and tried to make it seem all right.  Perhaps I'll just bounce here for a bit and try the old land on your back and spring back to your feet.  I'm pretty sure i stalled my heart on that maneuver.  Just then one of my daughters flies off the wall and lands gracefully on her feet... i try to smile and give the thumbs up by my arm doesn't move. 

Over in another area you can bounce into a pile of foam blocks... good for flips.  Just try to get out of the foam blocks with one arm.  You are kind of upside down whiffing sweat odoured foam trying to right 200 pounds holding up the line.  It looked fun and while I was doing a flip in the air it was fun but seeing a crowd watch me feebily crawling out of a pit took me down a notch.  You know me though... i paid my money and i will get this down. no matter how much it costs me in future pain. 

Lets go into a little gun interlude

There i was walking to school, to pick up my 3 kids, and strangely enough the idea that somebody might be in the hallway with an assault rifle popping off rounds into my neighbours and our children was there in my head.  In the normal Robertson dream sequences i play it through in my head... I have no gun... i will have to bum rush the bastard on foot, leap tackle him, make sure his head smashes concrete as we land and then fuck that bastard up.  In reality i would probably be shot 40 times when  i got within 8 feet of the swine, but even in the dream sequence i imagine myself dogging the bullets somehow.

The question then becomes at what time did it become rational for a parent on the way to school to pick up his child in grade 3, and two in Kindergarten to be actively planning a counterattack on a gunman.  I mean the next logical step is to go out and get a conceal and carry permit and have a loaded gun on my person at all times, so that i will be ready to deal with a situation like such if it should come up.  Sure maybe i have a better chance if i have a loaded weapon on my person, but i would argue that having a loaded weapon on my person changes my person in the direction of the negative.

I still get the flying hugs after school front the twins... I'd be like "easy easy, we have that loaded gun there, just in case".   Pretty good guarantee my wife would be violently against me parading around with a gun "just in case", i might actually get a more favourable reaction if i chopped a tree down on the property, and we know that doesn't go well at all.

But that is the gun answer right... if everybody had a gun then there would be a proper counter attack.  OK i see that logic, but there are still a lot of bullets flying around in the school hallways... Hmmm... think, think, think!  I'm thinking the goal is nobody under any circumstances goes and sprays up a round of bullets anywhere... and of course the last place a shooting spree should ever occur is in an elementary school... the last refuge of the innocent.

Part of me might want to say that somebody if they are up for a massacre should go and try to shoot up an NRA meeting... at least these people are kind of waiting for that to happen and will be ready for the battle.  Not that i condone attacking anyone for any reason at all.   But these attackers always go for the unarmed and then turn their gun on themselves... what is behind that?

My guess might be that our whole society is a fraud... bankers rewarded for ruining people, companies rewarded for destroying the planet, obvious truths denied, money over integrity every time... i mean it's pretty easy to see and then there is the whole glorified violence angle.  I mean i haven't watched TV in 2 decades, and i have never played killing video games, but i do know that the one time i got into martial arts for a bit i spent a lot of time thinking about fighting, which is why i never pursued it further.

To be honest I'm not sure gun control will work... the guns are out there already... control only works if people abide by it.  There are plenty of illegal things out there that i could get my hands on very quickly if i pursued them.  That said i wouldn't be against gun control, i just see it as some major annoying fight that will drag on forever with morons claiming insanities and other morons being "shocked and frightened" and the whole lunatic machine just spinning.

There is just no way that this stuff should ever happen, much less become routine, it is fucking asinine.

Justin Trudeau and the long gun registry

National insanity is occurring yet again... big surprise right.  To make a long story mid sized, a Canadian Government (the Liberals), back when they were in power and the Country had a surplus rather than a deficit, like the current one created by the  current "fiscally responsible" Conservatives, which happens to be a coalition of the old "Reform party" and the "Conservative party" now known as the Harper Government.  Well the Liberals, in an ill advised movement to curb gun crime created this thing called the Long Gun registry... people who had long barreled guns were required to register them with the Government... a move that cost money and angered gun owners.  Many people supported this, as did Mr. Trudeau, but the registry was scrapped when the Conservatives came into power as quick as scientific reason.

Did i mention Trudeau is the son of a vary famous former Canadian Prime minister (for the Americans out there).  Well you see, Justin Trudeau is now running for the leadership of the Liberal party, and went on record as saying that the Long Gun registry was a failure, which of course, set off a chorus of "flip flop" from the opposition.  You see he supported it, but now by calling it a failure, he is flip flopping... but wait!  It has been scrapped, just like the Experimental Lakes Area and the data is being destroyed... sounds like a failure to me.  You have a program and it is scrapped, therefore it failed.

Now i don't really have an opinion on the long gun registry as per say... i think if i was living in Canada and i wanted to get me a gun and go do a gun crime, i think i could pull it off, but I'm not one for guns, or crime for that matter.  I believe in living good, and doing good to others... I also believe in calling a failure a failure.  My music career has been a failure, and i believe i have called it such on many of an occasion, but i still support it, and believe in it.  The bone fact is that i have sold less music than the money i have put into it... that is an economic failure, and I'll blood any bastard that tries to tell me otherwise... don't worry i might be doing better than you so don't feel bad for me... it just is what it is.

Now my political beliefs are pretty fucking far to the side where we shut down this garbage creating economy and start living right within our means, but i know that ain't going to happen, as we are consumers after all... it is a name human civilians answer to.

Sure in my life, when the Liberals were in power we had good economies, whatever the fuck that means, but the Government had money, and at least pretended to listen to scientific wisdom.  And when the Conservatives were in power deficits ballooned.. just an actual observation people.  I think i voted  Green last time... silly me concerned with the air I need to sustain me and my families life over the shotgun sale of our countries resources.

What a time we live in when a man can call a spade a spade, and be hammered as a flip flopper... it fucking failed, it is no more.

Right and wrong is not passing and failing... for example, you could pledge to join a fraternity way back when... an nice W.A.S.P. ass hole thing to do, and your initiation might be to go steal something... if you steal it you succeed, and if you don't you fail.  Only the criminal in jail is a failure, cause he failed to beat the system. 

If we want to change the system, I'm first in line, but as we know the people who run the system are doing quite well for themselves, and one of the many proofs is in the fact that a politician, and the media, and the fools that believe the media are easily drawn into a "character" debate on a politician who called a spade a spade, even though he played a spade in the card game he lost.  What's next claiming victory after losing an election? 

I guess in this world we have had claiming victory before an election that you are about to lose, but hey, why look at history when you can just make up tomorrow?

What did i give this year?

It was Thanksgiving, so, as the leader said in yoga class "never mind the thanks... what did you give this year? ' And of course what can you give in the rest of the year?

Got me thinking... I started the year off by giving a show away.. a weekly slot in a club that i had created.  More the gift of opportunity for some people who like to make music and do their thing... i also gave away a perfectly good table hockey game, and a couple of broken amps hidden in the shadowy lust of the table hockey game.  Lets call a spade a spade... dumping shit you don't want on people is not always giving... but it looks good on a resume right?

Upon moving to our new city we gave our street a horse tire swing, which is a great gift... unless of course you are a parent with a young toddler trying to get somewhere on time and the kid see's the damn swing and next thing you know you have to lock antlers with an unreasonable screaming maniac... you know the move, walking down the street with kid under arm screeching, kicking, flailing and you just stay on course focusing on not taking a groin shot.

I gave some pretty good gobbles of comedy this year on social media which is a gift i think is highly appreciated by some... it makes for a nice break in the day.  I gave some decent gardening ideas, and i gave a few squirrels a new zip code on that note too.

I gave a couple of tricycles away, and i actually gave a solicitor like 25 big ones.  I was in the middle of writing a song called "when the $'s gone" when a fairly articulate and intriguing gentleman started going on about the evils of Monsanto... Well i was in there like flint adding my own reasons... by the time it got to the part where they need money to fight court cases to win GMO labelling legislation i was too far in to back out.  I tried to slam er into reverse but the dude jumped on the windshield and clamped on like a mating frog.  i knew i should help, so i did...  It was weird... i remember telling my wife "I gave money to a solicitor today"... long pause "what the hell?"... "Indeed, it is incredible... he won... i mean it was a good cause.. i hope".  A few days later i shut down the pot breathed guy trying to raise money for marijuana legislation. I did give him my neighbours name and email address.. so i was very giving in some ways.

I gave the gift of campfire songs to our family camping week, for good or ill.  Infecting the little brains with the ditty "Shaving Cream", causing them to sing it multiple times a day for months afterwards, which perhaps might drive somebody crazy... if they don't know how to deal with it.  Fight music with music, it's the best cure... blast a fine reggae album 6x in a row and you will be singing "well if you live in a glass house don't throw stones" and that "shaving cream, feel nice and clean shave every day and you'll always be keen" will be gone like a roast turkey accidentally left in a room with a large hungry dog.  It just disappears and nobody knows what happened.


I gave a few songs to causes, but nothing was heard, i give people food all of the time.. i always make too much... you know, you start cooking something and you take a diversion and then you get an idea, next thing you know you made 2 gallons of soup.. is that 8 Liters? Pretty much so Google tells me.

I should give more, although looking at it it's not like i ever really set out to give, it just worked out that way as a sum of all of the little decisions that came before.  Might be good to be more conscious for opportunities to give, something to think about.

Where was I...

Oh i think last time i was here i took a serious  turn and went into a different movie, or was it a wormhole?  Who knows...  on the positive side somebody sent me 13 fine alliterations about a clam named Craig... there is definitely enough material to write the song "Craig the clam".  It's not the kind of song that has to make sense... i use to argue with anybody that a song has to make sense... what i meant to say was a song needed a purpose... even simple Sean Simpson can see surly sometimes songs say several things.

Also in the news it appears that right wing jackasses, the opposite of left wing jackasses, are now admitting that global warming is a clear and present danger.  My opinion on this issue: "Too little too late you fucking son of a bitch now off with your head".    They should really prosecute  people who lead simple minded fools away from the idea of living in harmony with the planet that supports your life, because of course there was short term financial gain.  In my mind these are the worst criminals out there... they have stolen something from life itself, that may never be even able to be replaced, and they did it with cold hearts and vested interests.  Anybody smart enough to manipulate rubes, is smart enough to understand basic relationships between things, and so when you choose to understand your relationship with the industries that are paying you to propagate bull shit at the great great great cost of a depleted planet susceptible to all kinds of known horrors... it's fucking sickening.

Anybody who says things like nobody could have ever predicted should have their toung cut out immediately as full proof has been determined this person is not to be listened to... problem solved.

I mean it ain't going to happen, people are more upset at the idea that "Twinkies" might be no longer available... maybe I'm just jealous it wasn't me selling boxes of Twinkies to suckers on eBay for 100 dollars per box. That i can accept any day... suckers need to be fleeced... the sucker needs to be fleeced to maintain his or her status of a sucker... natural equilibrium depends upon it.  A sucker is a sucker, and they will always be a sucker so it's open season... be the one who fleeces the sucker for the most raw amount and feel good.  My ethical problem stems more from organizing suckers to fleece on mass to gain power to hose humanity for short term profit at the trade of long term decline.

Worse than a serial killer in some ways... i imagine the serial killer kills for the lust to kill, while the climate change denier kills for politics, for money, for power... and they don't just kill, they forever alter the only know thing that can sustain human life... you would think that might be important.

OK enough of that, it's a pit of negativity... indeed the power of life is strong, very strong, one of the great powers of life is in diversity.... odd that human leaders over time would use diversity as a wedge against the populations.  I guess the answer is that you use the wedge that works the best... Fear for example.

I have a strange relationship with fear, i seek my fears... within reason of course, but then again you could say that reason is in the eye of the beholder.  The reason i didn't snowboard between two rock cliffs to shoot off a 40 foot drop onto a 90 degree angle alpine snowfield was because i didn't want to die or be mortally wounded, and to me the thrill wasn't worth the ride. It's also true i had nowhere near the skill to even remotely consider it a possibility... but it was posed to me, one time, by a real human, in actuality thinking that for sure i would be into that.  Now i could go up on any stage and not have any plan, relying on wit's alone, really not understanding the whole picture of what was going on, and carry on, because it was what i thought i had to do to do what i wanted.

Wanting and doing and being.  Is this rock being?  the answer to that question is the word "incomplete" with the "c" backwards and the fresh ink smudged on the paper.  It was a philosophy class in an American University in the early 60's, one of the students in the class became a Vietnam draft dodger who became a biology teacher in West Hill Ontario.  The professor apparently came into the class, put a rock on the table and asked the class, "Is this rock being?" and then stood there for an hour, and this became every class.  Soon the group of folks just took turns going to class to see if anything new happened.  One day the Prof. appeared with his son, and the only thing the class could figure was that daycare fell through that day.  Then the final exam came and the prof told the class that the exam question would be... "was the rock in class being?"... A long essay on the concept of "being" gave you a slight passing grade but the word "Incomplete" with the c backwards and the fresh ink smudged gave you the top mark in the class.  I actually get it now for the first time ever.. i didn't mean to draw us down this alley when we started, it was fate... i have actually told this story before, but i think it's better this time, i got into the story on the right side of it.

Do you have the balls to tell your university instructor that the class they taught was incomplete and queer? Or do you go to the library and try to put a bunch of words together to make something wrong sound right and intelligent?  I get it... you would never get away with that now... there would be some news story on the Internet news, about how some teacher is drawing a salary teaching nothing, and fools will debate, but all the time the teacher is posing as something but actually being nothing in an attempt to dare the students into seeing what actually is.  Take in mind this is a lesson my grade 13 biology teacher passed on to his class one day on a king hell diversion that i remembered and now a short 25 years later finally understand myself.

note to self about inaugaral jam

The new shockcentre took its first sonic workout on this night... a friendly cast of fine gentlemen laying down a series of original, cover and improvised grooves.

thinking...Where was i good, and where was i bad? What weaknesses must be improved upon.  Sharp brain and deft coordination would help

who are the people and what is the form... this is your key question old sport... make sure you answer that one correctly, nothing good or nothing bad.. it is what it is.

I was shining red with rust and blurred with intoxicants, but we had some fine moments.  "blurred with intoxicants" is that so you poo head... you just throw that one out there.  it is what it is man, he argues with himself.  Your are not really going to post this shit are you?  Well i reply... it's probably in my best interests. What about proper punctuation? LOL.

LOL is gay.

there i said it... gay is good, don't get me wrong.  Weird word... Gay.  Was created to mean happy (i think), then the word took a tarring as a negative term used in a hostile  and repressive society.  Real people took real beats for some reason in Scarborough when i was growing up.  If you were gay you sure as hell would have a better ride if you kept that to yourself.  I have hope for my children, the attitude of the newer generations, in some places, is one of more acceptance of difference among humans

probably shouldn't have used the word, now that i think of it...   how did a celebration of a music space opening tun into one king hell waffle about a word?

I blame LOL -are people really laughing out loud reading inane statements, or are they just trying to say "i read what you wrote and i want you to know it rather than what they should say which should be more in the lines of... yea real fucking funny you toxic toad, now go get yourself some natural sunlight and see if we can try and get on those rickets".

I'm joking, calm the clam down...Calm and clam, that's like a mini alliteration right? Do you need 3 words for a proper alliteration.  Calm clam catastrophe... the clam is calm because it doesn't understand the catastrophe... The clam has a very basic central nervous system that is more reactionary and less forward thinking.  But the clam doesn't need to be that bright because the clam gets to hang out at the bottom of the ocean filtering all of the toxins... not the kind of gig that one would strive for... now i don't mean to come down on the clams,, I'm sure it would be very fulfilling to lay among the garbage in the cold ocean.  On the bright side you probably wouldn't have to deal with a lifelong shark paranoia.  Even if a shark with shitty eyesight could see you it's not going to think "hey i better take a bite out of that ocean floor to get a taste of that calcium pod and somewhat rubbery innards with excrement present.  Sharks are looking for that dude who thought he would push his luck one last time for a nice ocean swim.  That why i try to skull when I'm in the ocean... a little tip from me to you... no thrashing just a confident missile in the water.

So yes the jam was a good time... i feel erratically creative, which is a good spot for me


What does this mean

The clam and shark bit might have merit... i guess i have to write a song about a clam and shark paranoia.. there are so many ways to go on this one.

The clam is one simple slow melody, and the shark is a majestic one, and they occupy the same space without every really knowing they exist.  they are in their own dimension, and the dimensions don't intersect.

I'm the clam, I'm the clam.... Shark don't like to announce his presence, more of a bite and how do you do kind of socialite.  Perhaps it should be set in a fish and chips joint, and the clam is a dishwasher and the shark is a live lobster that looks cooked only springing into action to tweak the nose of the hungry customer... and the manager comes out to see what the fuss is about and notices stains all over the dishes and goes into a soliloquy ruing the fact he hired a clam as a dishwasher, overlooking the fact that the clam had a vary basic central nervous system and was unable to understand tasks... just when they are trying to solve the mystery of how the clam partially did the dishes the shark has to get out of the lobster suit and get back into some water to sooth those gill arches and replenish that oxygen... then the shark and the producer get into an argument over whether this scene is really working and the producer goes ape shit and starts berating the shark and makes the fatal error of going into the water to finish the verbal "chewing out".   It's at this time that the shark does the chewing, and it's over before it begins.. but what happens to the clam? The clam of course becomes the head of a multinational corporation doing a tireless round of PR interviews about environmental assessment never really giving anything away and in hence doing triples profits.  Now so other companies, in order to compete put clams on their board of directors and executive roles... slowly more money is funneled into hybridized clam stem cell research in order to develop cognitive clam thought, and a breakthrough is made growing clams a second foot giving the clam leaders the chance to pace back a forth in a press conference, still saying nothing but changing enough to calm the average consumer into thinking progress is being made.

I fear the test of tomorrow

need new vacuum

Do i buy online and waffle over various reviews typed in by paid rubes and disgruntled maniacs.  For example one of the bad reviews when on and on and then pointed out that the attachment could barely reach the ceiling (which happened to be 9 feet).  So essentially i am spending time reading the writings of some damn fool that vacuums their ceiling... wow.  The other alternative is to go into a store and suffer the presence of a vacuum salesperson.  Knowledgeable, perhaps, but not necessarily, pushy probably, able to generate a spell that hangs and haunts the room moaning "just buy and get the fuck out of here".  To me there is nothing more annoying than being the "customer " in the sales job... i personally don't find any part of it fun or even remotely amusing.  Well i guess that time when we were buying the Toyota Matrix and i was driving and getting a little tired of that pandering car salesman telling me how smart i was for asking basic questions... then i just stomped on the accelerator  and his eyes nearly popped out of the sockets, he was frantically waving his arms saying please don't hurt the car.  It was funny, and when we got back to the lot he was kind of hyperventilating but he also stayed focus on task as he had a sale to reel in.  He told me the light that said the car was locked was an alarm... i asked him how to work the alarm, and he told me i was smart and then pointed out that this car will tell you the temperature outside and inside.. pretty smart eh!

I might even choose swimming in the freezing Ocean over going and dealing with a vacuum salesperson... at least then i would be thinking about how fucking cold i am and that maybe standing in a vacuum sales department listening to utter gibberish ain't that bad.

Vacuum's are bastards... so many designs, so many cheap fucking flimsy parts... i need stairs i need carpet in need hardwood floor.  rather than make a vacuum that is solid and powerful the vacuum industry is into "micro markets".  This particular piece of shit will somewhat suck some crumbs off your hardwood floor until the time the warranty runs out and then it will crack blowing dust everywhere and then burst into flames taking the neighbourhood with it.

Used vacuum? What if there is a bed bug in that vacuum? As dad use to say, one step forward and 4 steps backward.  Lets put it this way, being an uninformed consumer is worse than being a fish and chips eating ass hole under a flock of seagulls in my books...  But what does it mean to be informed with all of this information that is actually carefully crafted bull shit to sway my opinion?   But i need a vacuum.  I hate decisions... i will make the decision and forever regret it.  I can make art decisions much better, this should go like this, but i guess you get to craft the answer... in the world of vacuum sales you just try to find the least flawed product and hope that you don't get a lemon to avoid dealing with customer service than can always bring up the stroke risk.

Even the idea that somebody will try to sell me an extended warranty, using fear tactics, will irritate me beyond belief.  so i buy a warranty and then shit goes down and somebody finds a way for the warranty to be void... well i guess i should put the recycling and compost out... any ideas?

I knew i should have tossed those underwear

So i went to Yoga today... you know to try and get some balance, some perspective and some deep breathing and being shammed into doing core ab work.

A little banjo in the room before hand that maybe jammed on a bit too long, so i thought i was running late... but we do have a weird thing with time around here.  I don't get it but it happens... every clock is set at a different time and they are all running early...  I think it's to trick the homeowner into a rush panick hence motivating the said person with a deeply ingrained fear complex. I do get to things on time, except for morning school but i'm usually right in under the line.

So yes I was running what i thought is late, but not so...  I almost forgot the water bottle... not good... already dehydrated from too much coffee. So I grab it and throw it in with mat, shirt and shorts... later in the change room i notice my water bottle top has come off in my bag wetting my shirt and shorts.  Oh NO! grab the water and upright it, put shorts on hook, check shirt and mat.. not too much water it's OK... take wallet and keys from pants and put beside bag.. bag is wet, put shirt on, pack away clothes, focus on wallet... become obsessed about losing keys and wallet.. top up water bottle while deciding to put wallet and keys in wet bag, because wet bag is still secure bag... see clothes in cubby, grab bag with wallet and keys, grab mat, grab water and go out and set up.

Surly i would have grabbed less attention with shorts on rather than entering in my late Fathers recycled underwear... i rarely wear that pair cause they are a little ratty... they don't even fit properly.  Dad bought underwear most likely on sale but it was too big for him, but he couldn't take them back so i had to take them so we can all sleep at night knowing that we didn't waste any money.

I think everybody in the class looked at this as a generally unfortunate  incident, but being Yoga people they were mostly like "yes that did happen, i observe things, and i will now breath this away"

I can only guess what they were thinking... i felt the room change and in the mirror, i saw myself... oddly enough it was the weird tufts of hair i have on my neck that jumped out at me, and then the fact that the left Handlebar moustach was tucked under my chin and the right one was at a 45 degree angle to my right cheek...

And then i actually though for a second "why is this mirror not showing my shorts?" Right around the thought "Those Underwear, are you serious..." i was definatley jolted by the release of some panic mammilian neurotransmitter, that actually shook me for a second.

In the end it was a fine class and i opened some regions and on the beautiful walk home i witnessed 3 electric leaf blowers.  It was taking the suckers forever and one guy had terrible posture.  i could have had that area raked in 1/5 the time... but we all make mistakes from time to time.

I guess i should clarify a few things...

I don't hate my neighbour, she is a nice person, i have helped her and will do so again, and she has helped me.  It's just the form of this blog... It started here... it reads backwards so you need to scroll down to the bottom to check out the mission statement.  I'm interested in what i think and when i think it... maybe I'm one of those megalafuckingmaniacs, but perhaps not seeing that a megalomaniac would probably be more keen to manage a sharp online presence that glorifies themselves rather than an longstanding admission of failure, perhaps it falls in the reverse psychology field... clearly i shouldn't think about perception cause it tailspins me in the wrong direction...

So if a leaf blower arrives in your conscience and you find yourself consumed by unwelcome thoughts and you lay those thoughts down, you are in fact just releasing them and it stands as a record of what you felt in that moment for whatever reason.  I believe in looking back honestly at everything to try to understand situations and myself in them, to be better in the future.  Now the part about the brick through the window... i was just trying to be funny... i just envisioned a brick and a window and i giggled a bit.  But under no circumstances  should one ever throw a brick through a window... it's dangerous.  If you didn't have your slippers on you could get a sliver of glass in your foot.

She just happens to love things that i hate... at least she is loving things... sorry that's all i can do... i went to envision the squirrel nest in the front porch and my brain fell off a cliff again ( i was going to try to say something nice about it).

Sometimes a blog just shits on things and yes... it soils itself in the process, and you can spend all your energy on clean up and fall into a funnel cloud of self analyzing, or you can move on to the next episode.

For the record, it's usually comedy i am going for.  I remember one intimate moment with Dad i was lying on the couch and he was sitting on the floor.  He was talking and i was busting a gut, and he stopped , tilted his head slightly and and looked at me through those blue eyes curiously smiling "you just think everything is funny, don't you"... pretty much.

Rage and negativity have their place... take it from me, a happy person in a great life.  A lot of people can't handle rage and negativity, and yes if you spend all your time in that dark place your life will be worse more often than better, but the light of a new day is a beautiful thing after a dark night.. if you keep artificial lights on all of the time you will miss the contrast.

It's like many humans, they are fucking idiots, buying garbage they can't afford that ends up floating in an ocean slowly leaching toxins into the planet that we need to sustain our lives. On one hand you want to go punch them all out, but on the other you will end up with a sore fist, criminal charges, and you will surly meet your match sooner rather than later... if you can't beat them do you join them? Or do you try to be the change you want to see in the world?  You probably use either excuse to suit the position you are in at the moment rather than harping on your failure, right. In so doing you alter the history of your conscience to suit the needs of your immediate... then you lose because you don't learn the lessons because you hide the facts. If i hear a leaf blower and lose my shit then I'm bat shit crazy... because as you know, you can't swing a dead squirrel without hitting some hammerhead revving a leaf blower.  All over the place people are paying others to clean their shit, and the guy getting paid can maximize profits by just blowing the dirt away from the "clean zone".  And maximizing profits is a most celebrated event in our culture.. you might even say the whole process is good for the economy, which happens to be another bell dinger. You blow the shit out onto the street take off, and the wind blows the shit back and you have a job the next week... you are buying gas and oil and earplugs and the local businesses thrive... and some jackass thinks this is bad?

I think of it like this: I can have a perspective on something and some other dumb simpleton can have an opposite position.  At this point you can fly into a rage and let it out, or you can slowly stew, or you can engage that person in an effort to enlighten them and then find out that their brain is just one big empty cave with a bunch of bad ideas backed up by incredulous misconceptions about the very nature of how things actually are.

Just have fun with life, get into it... go down with your ships but rise again in a stronger unsinkable vesicle. Of course there is no unsinkable vesicle, as we learned in 1912, but it's OK to think you are unsinkable from time to time... live life with the heart of a lover, walk tall and you shall hover (from the song "the key of 5").

So what goes on in my head goes on in my head... i would never harm anyone.. unless it was a rodent or an accidental hockey collision... anyhoo i just thought I'd try to shine a bit of light on the reality of what goes down here as there seems to be some people who are getting to know me and perhaps glance at this blog from time to time, and might not see the humor as humour but rather disturbed mental imbalance.

We are all given the beauty of life and as my history teacher Mr. Mallinson once said "everybody should have the right to choose how he or she lives their life".  I don't give a rats ass about popularity, as in my experience putting efforts into that always leads to ruin... I'm me and I'm interested, with respect to this blogi apparatus (right Mule), my truth... and i love rage heroes, so i try to be one.

SR

mud is on the the walls of the new shockcentre

Construction is a good game... it's a long road but i like to have work to do.  The unfortunate part is that in my life, the times i have done this come in 20 year intervals... so often you are not sharp in your technique.  Just make sure everything is level in the first place and that will help, and there are a few contractor parent types in the neighbourhood whom i can lure in for advise... "you should take a look at this and tell me what problems i have created for myself down the line", is what i say.

But all the instruments lay fallow and the Tascam 440 4-track awaits a celebratory recording... this is my life and i wouldn't trade it for anything. Hey, "I'm just a gibbering fool 27 and drumming, sometimes it's hard to find the right words, feels like your just strumming, I did some things that i wish i didn't but i wouldn't change me for nothing"... I remember being in the original shockcentre co-writing that song like it was yesterday.  I can see it clearly.  My roots i never forget, i always remember the road i traveled.   That last one is a Burning Spear quote... nothing like working to Reggae... for the mudding i have been on a Peter Tosh kick... I also hit some Vancouver bands like The Modelos, D. Trevlon, The Doers, Station A and of course STOKE.   One of the best things about working is music... blast away and get into it.  I also hit Toronto band Bidiniband with special emphasis on the song "The land is wild"... call me a sucker for hockey songs.  I guess speaking of hockey songs i did hit some of my own cd's.

I remember one day wanting to see my own cd's in my cd collection... thought that would be cool, but building your new music space while listening to your musical history in a new place is a good exercise i would recommend to anybody in my position.  The changing of the guard so to say.   Result: although i have never really had any success in music as measured by industry standards I'll still stand with my catalogue any day... it is what it is.

In another interesting point Peter Tosh sings about how he must go to Zion in the song "Lion". I have written a song about Mt. Tabor and apparently in 1853 they were about to call Mt. Tabor Mt. Zion but somebody came to the meeting and proposed the name Mt. Tabor and it stuck.  Until i heard Peter Tosh singing about Zion it hadn't occurred to me that Mt. Zion would be one King Hell name... there are a million connections in songs and life when you listen to the words. As well as playing music i intend to listen to a lot of music down there, as the garden needs water to grow.  None of this new  "star machine" music of course... i need to study the roots.

I really love reggae, I forgot how much.. great working music... slow steady pace, and the message. So much music now is devoid of message...  but then why have a message in these times when apparently nobody has time to listen to a message as the new attention span now is that of a tweet? Not to come down on twitter as i myself have an account, but like in high school i am ignored in the "cool circles"... suits me just fine.   Apparently you can take classes on how to use twitter for social networking... but that's against my philosophy of "this is that i have to offer take it or leave it".   Really it should just make for a nice break in the day... but we know people and their sales agendas. 

not losing

Thinking "not losing" is more important than "winning". As a mindset to tackle life in the grand scheme of happiness. Failure has a greater scope when winning is the goal.

SR Jones ƒ -when the tea was ready

 That was one thought i was going to poke at as i find myself with an hour for blogging... and not late night blogging this time, although there still is a late night to be had down the road, so the table is still taking bets if you know what i mean.  I seem to be in bold font for some reason, i guess that's the way god wanted it to be, so lets carry on.

 Holey shit leaf blower !

Just so you know... I'm not making this stuff up... still blowing away ruining the peaceful silence i was bathing in just moments ago... back when this blog was going to try to bring a wave of positivity and good vibes to the cyberworld.  It's pouring rain and this guy is revving a leaf bower trying to blow a light scattering of leaves over to my  yard...  of course... my yard needs some for i just raked it the other day.  It's a weird idea i know... gather the leaves and choose a method of disposal.  For me I'm gonna dig them into my garden as my clay pile could use all the organic material i can give it.   I can not lose, by collecting those leaves and digging them in to the garden.

But you know...  people who house squirrels and then feed them so they can bury nuts in people's gardens and clog up  downspouts... it is these people who can make the jump to justify smelly noise machine to blow leaves where they don't belong either.  Fits the bill  "fuck those people, i want to do what i want to do and if my actions have a negative impact on those around me... fuck it".

I guess it's time to test my skills and turn this into a "not losing" scenario. Winning would be going outside and putting a few bricks through a few windows, but in the end, that is war and war is wrong.  That's kind of like not losing... not doing something that will drag you down further in an effort to win, but really only losing more.   

Love thy neighbour, no matter how bat shit crazy they are.  I'm sure it has never occurred to her all of the many levels of irritation that a leaf blower revving on a rainy day contains... She comes home, and her place looks all tidy, she is greeted by some squirrels,  pulls out a few nuts and she is in her happy place.  Perhaps a new bass amp that can rattle house foundations is in order... whoops slipping into revenge again.. well actually i can get behind the joy of some fine face melting bass anytime, so as long as that is my primary purpose i should just enjoy, since we have agreed we are sorry when our actions cause pain to our neighbours, but under no circumstances will we change our actions.  

On an unrelated point, i have heard, that the best way to hit squirrels with your car is to not speed into them right away.  If you decelerate the squirrel will relax and think it is dealing with one of those fool humans that they own... it's then when thy get comfortable you step on it.  Make sure to come off the break a second or two before you accelerate.  If the bastard looks like it is getting away shock it with your horn... this works well to startle the rodent, which may freeze it, or send it back to the other wheel base.

Who knows if that's true... sounds kind of dangerous, and safety on the road is just another fine example of giving up trying to win in an effort to not lose!

 Hot dam i just might be making some good points here.  Whoops now I'm in a world of doubt... rookie mistake, i can't believe i just did that... i came out of a roll to congratulate myself on a good roll and i lost momentum... perhaps it was time for change.

Making art as an adult is a good "don't try to win, just don't lose" concept.  I have often thought that if i were ever to speak at a music conference that would be my talk.  And then i get to the point in the talk where I'm something like "and don't whatever the hell you do pay some fee to be considered for a slot at one of those insipid god damn career building conferences..." a slight hush comes over the crowd and a dignitary raises an eyebrow, a throat clears and the lights go off a little box by the speakers podium opens up and an angry scatter of black widow spiders are released with fangs gnashing.

out of time.

Cake ready, bread rising, stew on... soon there will be many young children, making a noise i can imagine could drown out a leaf blower... but the leaf blower is gone now... fucking guy just blows it all on my yard!  breath deeply, love thy neighbour...  i am not them... It's OK to get the win every now and then :)

the swing voter

I don't understand the "swing voter"... how can you live in a "democracy" and not know what candidate you want to vote for only to be swayed at the last minute by some bogus piece of information.  I understand the idea that all of the candidates are guilty criminals so why bother voting in the first place, or that the person who shares the closest ideals to yourself never got a chance to get on the ticket.  The American Ron Paul fits that ticket... i can understand the idea that his policies could strike a chord with people, which is probably why he never got a chance and was shut down by his party every time his star was rising... after all people get weird when they know they are guilty, and if a guy says he will go after the guilty, you can understand.

But if you are going to vote and take you place at the mirage of a table of democracy, how can you not know which way you go.  Do these people take no notice of history, or is history just one of those boring subjects that gets in the way of "trending" topics.

Isn't the idea that you live in a country and you have a voice in which direction the country will take, but you don't really know what that is?  Kind of like me in a restaurant... I never know what i want to order, and when i do i am usually haunted with regret... well that's why i learned to cook, so i can take matters into my own hands.  But the Government is different.. people need to be gonged out of power for the greater good, usually a choice of lesser evils i would say... it's just the way it goes.

How can you expect a government to serve you best when you are uncertain who it is you want to govern you, and can be swayed to go either way on some last minute news story published by some global conglomerate... or even worse be swayed by some ideals of a church that takes your money and tells you what to think?

Should there be an intelligence test to verify your voting eligibility?  Of course not, it would just become corrupted savagely... the test would be slanted to weed out people who are not going to vote for the side that the people who made the test want to become elected.

One of the things about moral character that we surprisingly  gravitate to in our greatly immoral society that always cracks me up.  Bill Clinton was amoral because he had an affair and lied about it, but he left the country in great shape.  George Bush was moral because he was a born again Christian, but he lied to take the country to war and left the country teetering in bankruptcy.  Since we live in a me me me society where everybody is worried about their own shit first, what's with this moral shit?

Why not elect the person who can steer the country in the best direction?  What's with this squeaky clean image bull shit?  A good politician can shake your hand and stab you in the back in the same motion, and then perhaps refer you to a drug company that can prescribe you something for your bizarre and unexplained back pain.  How can you pretend by casting your vote, to be a participant in democracy, and not know what you stand for?

I guess it's money, and advertising... you need to fool chuckelheads into thinking you are on their side and you need a lot of money to do that...  fear people into thinking illogically and against their ideals.

People are against health care, until they get sick... I'll never understand why you could be against health care but for war, but that's just me, and it's a free country, so if you are for war and against health care then you should know who you stand with just the same, and you shouldn't need a commercial to change your mind.  If you are for proper scientific study and then basing policy on the results, then you should know that, and if you are in to classifying scientific study as an enemy to policy (less it be the physics of building war machines), and using religion and race and differences to drive wedges between people, then you should know that too. I'm not saying one is right or wrong, although i have my opinions... it's just that you should know solidly what you believe in when you cast your vote and not be "swung" by some last minute revelation that may or may not be true.

"If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it." ~Mark Twain

beer bees and politics

Double IPA, brewed with my own Zeus hops takes the sting out of the staining fiasco with regards to the deck.  Slow is good... a bigger roller that puts more on faster isn't always ideal.  I mean it's a good idea when it is spoken... kind of like a Presidential promise...  Yea that sounds good, let's do that... Oh shit that wasn't what was advertised.

Apparently the Republican candidate "won" the debate... debate of course meaning speaking in soundbite sayings while smiling.  Funny one of the soundbites i heard was "North American energy independent".  But wait a minute, didn't your party, when it had the reins, start a multi-trillion dollar war killing millions of innocent, and wounding permanently god knows how many, in the name of freedom, but also to make sure that these valuable sources of the World's Oil  are in safe hands.

Don't get me wrong energy independence is a great idea, but we live in a society that is constructed to waste energy in the name of freedom and choice.  That's why the Oil companies bought up all the streetcar lines in the cities so they could shut them down and get everybody in their cars.  And in 2012 we can hear a used car salesman tout the idea of energy independence as if he just thought of that idea himself.  It's rubbish of course, i'm sure polls have been taken of the American sheeple to find out what "buzz words" are hot... hell you could probably just monitor the internet to find that one out... in the name of security of course. 

I'm a conservative person, and when i was younger i even voted along the Conservative line... then i woke up.  The issue i went down on was free trade... you see i was thinking free trade would be great for my country (Canada) at the time... hell we had all the good cards we should be in a good position... so i voted for the Conservative jackass, who went and made a free trade deal that to me was unconscionable... they just gave away rights to Canadian water and natural resources... period.  Never in a million years did i expect that... i was thinking make a good deal for our country... but that's when  i woke up.  Conservatives don't conserve, and they don't give a shit about what is right... they use religion and fear and drive wedges between things that are different to further their corporate agenda.

I find it incredible that anybody could be passionate about a Conservative/ Republican politician... they come into power with surpluses, and leave with deficits, they are against science (unless the scientists are building war machines).  Even more insane is that, as elected officials, they agree to disagree always as a matter of principal to make the other party, or parties look bad...  the only important thing is being in power, and when you get there it is secrecy, lies and deficits.

They should actually change the meaning of the word conservative... it means nothing anymore... it's like the word gay... it doesn't mean happy anymore.  Conservative means small minded, dogmatic, for oneself... but yet good people stay on the "conservative" line ... do they just not see what is going on?

My ideals are fairly far left wing, whatever the hell that means, and i admit that the folks that run the far left wing might not have a full grasp on how to actually govern, but they just might, despite what the opposition ads may tell you.  i know this... a strong leader is not a jackass who just pushes bad ideas through despite the evidence... that is actually a weak leader, because that person is leading the people to a place where they will be worse off than they were before.

It's the classic Canada Post Union brave heart...  stand up on the floor and start yelling and screaming at people, and others think that makes you a good leader because you are willing to stand up to people, but you are actually a weak leader because you fall into the trap... work to rule is the only real option, but the people won't do that cause the want the carrot, so instead you freak out and cause a scene and think you are doing something.  I should note... those people are not always there for you... sometimes they are just there for themselves

The world is divided into us and them...somebody always trying to make you hate someone for some reason, and it is usually so that you will take your eye off reason and go with the mob mentality and punch your ticket for another round of raping that you thought read reaping... well it was close, but since you punched the ticket bend over old sport.

Last time i checked the incumbent President came into power just as some massive economic bailout plan was being unveiled... because, of course, the economy as we know it was about to FAIL.  Sounds to me like the people before did a real fucking shitty job... i did mention the war of course, or was it 2 wars... probably more than that in reality.  So we are still standing with no help what so ever from the party that was defeated after they screwed up royally... why?  If they help it might appear that the President is doing a good job so it is clearly better to oppose him at every level in an effort to help him fail, and the country with him, so that you can point your finger and lobby for yourself as a strong and natural leader.

I'd rather eat a shit sandwich.

There is no unity in humanity... distracted by what glitters, hanging on to promises that will never materialize, it's easier to hate than to love.  The bees in the hive are not looking over their stingers at what others are doing, criticizing and complaining.. if they don't do their job they are stung to death on the spot... their cones are perfect every time... we have rights and opinions and consumer impulses...


hour is up

random thoughts hour... go

Nutmeg in the cake i baked warms the spirit... a little shaved nutmeg can turn a good baked item into a great one.  I am currently studying spiced baked goods.  Studying meaning randomly mixing things together, never writing anything down, but coming up really good i must say.  I climbed the ladder in my chef and baker skills this year... it's funny seeing yourself go up a rung.  It comes with confidence, and confidence comes with secured knowledge.  I'm a method guy... the minute details are rather insignificant.  Just in case you are a brain damaged hammerhead, let me make something clear... you can't "wing", the amount of flour, baking powder, baking soda, butter and milk... those fractions have to stay constant... but you can "wing" it up all sorts of other ways.  You might have to knock back the flour a bit if you were to toss in some rolled oats.  Even still you can be off a bit... it's good to see how these things affect the cake or cookie.  You want to get to the point where you can feel it... how is that batter behaving?  These are the questions you need to ask yourself when you are in the zone.

But earlier today i was high atop a ladder, like 30 feet up, staining my cedar siding on my house... really fucking high, and you feel so vulnerable.  If shit went wrong at this moment, clearly i would be dead, or maimed so severely that death would appear as something to strive for...  every movement becomes exaggerated... every pound on my body stressing the ladder... slip into some cake frenzy regret..

Then there was this bug, a green green bug that looked like a cricket but might be able to fly... it was at the apex under the peak of the roof... i thought maybe i wont stain that part... i can let the bug live... very spiritual of me indeed... but then i ran through the sequences:  What if i tried to paint it and it came at me pulling out some stinger or some "mantis like" arms in a full on attack?  Then i have 2 options 1) freak the fuck out and fall to my death, or 2) cling to the ladder for dear life giving the insect a clear attack on my face.  Obviously i was going to go with 2) when i went through the  "insect attack scenario" on top of the ladder.  i even had the good for-sight to remind myself, should the bug go for my eye, not to swat my eyeball with a paintbrush full of stain.

A little thing called experience friends... you see if i didn't pour that tray of stain over my head i wouldn't have had the stellar vision to follow through with all possible scenarios in which my own stupidity could harm myself.  After a while having engaged and studied this bug... it was quite a spectacular bug... it had good Omen energy shining through it's bright green Chitin.  I'm not big on messing with Omens in times of crisis... bug eventually moved to area under the roof and i slapped some stain on the top triangular shingle finishing the front of the house.

Later i was over watching a dog that is part chihuahua  and part rat terrier on the case defending a yard against pest rodents. I got the lowdown on those dogs... actually bread to kill rats.. i like it. I asked if there was a dog called Squirrel terrier, because a dog like that might be worth looking into.  If I could get a squirrel terrier to defend the yard we would be defining the word symbiosis. But apparently there is no Squirrel terrier, although it was pointed out that i could probably breed one, which is an interesting idea... apparently a fox Terrier could kick ass on the squirrel population  It would only need to make random kills from time to time, the squirrels would learn not to be in our yard.  Pretty much perfect plan i say... and then it was asked how my wife would like the news of us getting dog.  I sort of went into one of those weird jells where time freezes and i see myself, from above.. there is me... feet up and talking, convinced i need a dog.. how are we going to sell this to CT?  This is exactly why, we had in our wedding vows, that nobody was to ever lose their fucking mind and think that for some reason we needed a pet.  I hate to split hairs on this issue but garden defense from pests is not a "lose their fucking mind" moment... It might actually be a find your mind moment.  Also while touring Kaiya's third grade class i saw what Kaiya wrote about herself.. one of the points was "my dream is to have a pet".  i remember seeing that and thinking "have a dream and i end up picking up a dog shit". I never really thought of a positive for having a dog, but sending a natural predator of your nemisis into the environment to loyally defend the said turf is a pretty major one.

Bye the way this cake is really good

hour is up

Butterfingers Robertson

It's actually a very easy to dump a can of paint on your head... you would think that that kind of action would be left for the mentally challenged, which i can be on many days, but it can happen very easily you see.

I live in a new house, or a newly remodeled house for that matter, and the exterior is flanked with cedar shake shingles.  I have lived in a few houses in my day and owned a few of them as well... the thing is you only get one chance at a pristine exterior.  Coat that bad boy with Sikkens clear coat and you will be happy for many years... or you can let it slowly start decaying and say to yourself in 8 years "oh man we got to do something about this siding"... as i said earlier, sometimes the best defense is a good offense.

In my house in Vancouver, Myself, Kevin and Pete built a cedar stake fence in the yard.  Kevin soaked the fence in Sikkens clear coat and the fence was shining for years... still is i believe.  Too many damn plants growing on the fence now to hit it again... I know a certain woman who would go ape shit if one were to harm those plants.  Speaking of that i might have stomped a fern today getting a hard to reach area under the front porch.  Some people can swill a beer and chuckle at the collateral damage done to the plants, others can not.  For the record the fern will be fine... i predict a fine fern blossoming next spring.  That is of course if I'm still alive after doing the high ladder work at the front peak of the house.  Perhaps a little climbing harness attached to the bunk beds in the twins room might be a wise idea.  Cause when you are painting all kinds of strange things can go wrong.

You could go to a pro paint store and have a guy tell you you can't roll stain with a foam roller after you have rolled a quarter of the house with it and found it rather satisfactory.  Sure it works the foam, but for a few bucks a pop, i don't get the "you can't".  People are strange, one of the true constants in life... i was liking the way the foam roller could jam into the underside of the cedar shingle soaking it with fine protective juice.  Using a wool roller now, and it can deal as well... good for the diagonal swipes wetting up the underside.  Obviously you have to adjust your technique to the tools you have... for example rather than go all the way down the ladder to reload on paint you can hitch the rolling pan on the top of one of those short ladders that i just had to look up on the internet for the name, which is a step ladder.  yea the paint goes up there... but don't forget that it's up there later when you are painting and talking on the phone to your mother who happens to be confused over the issue of how she broke her hip, because if you move that ladder you might just end up pouring that paint on your head, which makes for a most unfortunate and shocking turn of events.  You need to maintain the conversation, which is pretty easy given it is a rotation of the same 3 points... you also need to strip naked in the front of your house and make it into the sink to begin trying to wash your head and eye.  For the record i was on speaker phone... i talk to mom every day for like 45 minutes it helps give her a sense of normalcy as she slips into a deeper state of dementia.  I often call her when i am making dinner... i need to multitask... it's a sad thing, i can't have the same conversation every day in liu of getting something done so i have combined my life to have that conversation, on speaker phone, while i am doing a task that will keep me in one spot for a while... this way  sometimes the kids chime in, and that makes mom happy.

I should note Mom is in the hospital as she broke her hip so calling her in the hospital is quite the chore... moving rooms, have to call the nurse station to tell the nurse to go answer the phone in her room and give it to her... it is what it is.  Mom's big worry today was that she had ruined Christmas by falling, so i thought we can have this conversation while i paint, only when i went back out i kind of started down low in a section... talking and painting, try to help her through the maze.  I painted the whole low section and then needed a ladder to get higher forgetting of course that the paint tray was on top of the ladder, telling my mother that it's not her fault and no she is not stupid for falling... me grabbing the ladder to move it, and dumping the paint contents right on my head, ruining my good man orange cap, and my Carl Fatrman roadbed shirt, my shoes, my eyeball.

The feeling of failure... did i just really do that, clearly i did.  i read somewhere that the trick to painting was to keep only the tip of the brush hairs wet...  not pour the paint over your own hair.

Then later soaping my head (luckily the stain will come out with soap and water) i managed to pour soapy water directly into my ear.  From our physics and biology classes we remember that soap reduces water surface tension right?  That's why you dip insect riddled plants in soapy water solution.. the soapy water will allow the water (with lower surface tension) to invade the spiracles of the insect and hence drown them.  So you see where i am going here.. i soap water my ear canal opening the flood gates for a future ear infection... just to make matters worse.

It was a good lesson however: 1) don't do my own electrical, 2) remember that you are a non thinking jackass when you are up on that ladder... if you catch yourself trying to improvise stop before you start.

Do I have any more points to make?  Where was I, how much life force did i lose in today's video game. Was that me at the parent teacher conference reeking of cedar stain trying to appear professional? what's wrong with my right eye... oh just trying to cry out the linseed oil on my cornea, it's all good... so you say my children are doing well in school.. chip off the old block i say.

My injuries are substantial

I was in yoga today and the teacher, or spiritual guru was asking if anybody had any injuries... after a couple of softies beaked off about their little problems i decided to stay quiet. Spiritual caring, tree loving, tea drinkers try to get to the root of the problem... where the root of my problem happened to be a finals hockey game in which our team was grossly outmatched... but we had our chances. Sometimes you have to create chances with violent collisions with 200lb plus men going full steam in an effort to injure one another. We played the referee team, and lets just say, as the saying goes... doctors make the worst patients. To get the picture one of their players speared one of our players in the groin and then bitch talked him as he was writhing on the ice in pain. Lets just say it was the most Canadian like game i have played in the U.S.A. There is not really a part of my body that is not damaged so how to mention that casually at the start of a yoga class and then go through the scenarios of each injury in front of a class while caring, kale chip eating people listen with confusion. You see yoga is about achieving inner peace, while hockey is about releasing inner rage. Or at least you practice yoga better in a state of calm, and perhaps play hockey better with a burr under your saddle if you know what i mean. In the dying minutes of a close game the yogi might look at the positive, while the hockey player is looking to settle a few scores. You see all the people in the yoga class seemed so happy to be there and ready to embrace the soothing words of our guru that i felt it unnecessary to point out that the reason my shoulder is in agony was that i had to remove a 220lb man from the puck in a mad scramble in front of the net... and the man was trying to kill me. It's just not your average yoga mindset... also my thumb was numb from a slash, I blocked a slap shot with my pinky and i took a clearing attempt in the groin which worked out well for a moment until i rung the puck off the crossbar. You see i didn't wake up with a little sore body part... I'm an old man who can't let go of the competitive spirit, and i am wounded, and when i am in my pose breathing deeply i am hating all the wrongs i feel were scored against me. Not sure the rest of the class would be able to jive on this tangent... and i don't want to bring them down... if i feel pain i just man it up and carry on. I realize it's better to go the other way but I'm not really there yet... even as we are relaxing in one of those poses i can't remember the name of my mind is racing... "what was that song part.. whoa this is a good saying... that son of a bitch doesn't get another free shot at me". For sure, this is not what my practice needs to be, but it is what it is, and the only way to get to the root about this problem is to be honest about it. I have spent a fair bit of my life addressing issues with respect to garbage creating (try to make no garbage), refuse to commute by car under any circumstance, being totally anti consumerist... many of the left wing tree hugging pinko traits.  But i am also living in this other life where i need to respect my own self like i respect the planet and the creatures that live on it... minus the squirrels of course.  Fucking squirrel... did i mention my loon neighbour calls the squirrel "pumpkin" and then gives him a nut which he then goes and buries under my bean plant in effect killing it.

So i live with 4 crazy women, who mock me with my squirrel hate, and try to play the "be good to everything" card on me.  But yet one of those women just went and bought a fly swatter... WHAT TO KILL PESTS!  Where did the love go?  Where is your compassion for God's creatures?

As we say in hockey the best defense is a good offense.

Actually the best defense is a good defense... and any Yogi with their head centered in a good pose can see that clearly, but in a close game you do what you can when you can.  Truth is i am still haunted by every chance i missed in every close game i played... it's just the way it goes.

Apologies and anniversaries

Sorry about that last post, a real piece of crap... no pun intended. I could just delete it, but then i might have the opportunity to forget it when i fact i need that failure peculating in my soul.  The question becomes why? And then we get into a philosophical debate about what is and what isn't and why they aren't.  It's actually humbling to chop yourself down a few notches every now and then... we are taught to clime the pole, go up higher, make something of yourself... I'm more of a chop the pole down, make a bonfire with it, and dance around the fire naked kind of guy. 

I recall i was too tired when i started it and too dehydrated when i finished it... and a little voice says they have this thing, it's called a draft, you are going to love it!  Drafts are for paid writers not rambling random truth seekers who think making points to nobody in particular is better than watching TV or YouTube, or commenting on facebook images that they shared trying to inspire a nation of update addicts into some real action.

I was called Super Robertson today in Portland, i stopped and responded before the whole reality hit me, luckily i never think in the most remote terms about controlling these things... i just need to not be trying to sell people things (music), and interact with them as a normal human.

The Simpson's nailed it in one episode... some Jazz woman was playing @ Mo's tavern, and Lisa happened to be there, and the music made a profound impact on her, so she went up to the woman after the show who was on the street loading the car and told her such a thing... they conversed and Lisa walked off and the musician said "darn it that felt like a sale".  i laughed my ass off when i saw that... some people like and are very good at sales.  I think the concept itself is bad for humanity as it emphasises false values over real values, the common argument is "everybody has to make a living", which is true, painfully true... we are trapped in the devils bargain (Joni Mitchell of course).  In order to live good tomorrow, we ultimately have to do something that has the side affect of making tomorrow harder to live in.   The classic exponential curve... work harder, fear more and have less,  blame others.

Apparently it is the anniversary of the Occupy Movement... i wrote this song before the occupy movement occured... just to let you know i have street cred (that was a joke):

Happy anniversary:

washroom to flies to pets to serenity

I think i just saw a red eyed dumpy wing drosophila melanogaster on the mirror in the bathroom.. i was going to crush it but noticed the red eye and then gave it a good examination.  A few things came to me, the first being perhaps i look a little scruffy, the moustache is perhaps a little wild and unkempt, and my eyebrows are rather bushy, my eyes they are all squinty looking at a small fly that i observed and then identified.  There was a time i did genetics experiments with D. Melanogaster, also know as the fruit fly.  I had to get the magnifying glass out and i might be a bit wrong on the dumpy wing call, although it looked pretty dumpy to me... i could grab my fruit fly trap and do some wing comparisons, but these days I'm less in the business of breeding flies to express recessive alleles, and more in the business of fly extermination...  so lets run with that on for a bit.

This is a fruit fly trap:

Mason jar, parchment paper and a chunk of over ripe banana (you can use a glass and an elastic if you don't have a mason jar).  Take a pen and poke a few hols in the parchment paper and that will be full of fruit flies in no time... the old can find their way in but can't find there way out trick.  i have seen a few escape but clearly it is an osmosis type of deal... not really but we have a low concentration of flies passing through a semipermeable membrane (a big fly couldn't get through there) to create a high concentration of flies.

Then you can roll the banana in the jar and take out the flies... or you can get water in there and give it a shake, or i guess you could go outside and let the flies go. i don't hate fruit flies, thy can be annoying when you are being swarmed by them, but that's why all smart people have fruit fly traps.  And they are beneficial to humans believe it or not... they are "decomposers", breaking down organic matter to form useful soil.  They also contain hundreds of genes that are homologous to human genes  that can cause disease making them a fine study of what happens when these genes are defective and how the effects of these genes can be modified.  It kind of opens the door for a sci-fi paranoia induced drug company conspiracy.

If a company could cause a disease that they could cure for a fee, and it could be spread with a fruit fly would they do it for 3 Billion dollars?   Totally hypothetical that i just made that up, but kind of intriguing don't you think... Is there is a human out there who will put on a suit and sign the order to do just that if you pay him or her enough money?  Of course, but I'm not sure fruit flies are a good vector to spread disease to humans, hence the sci-fi paranoia induced conspiracy label for this little absurd diversion.  Mosquitoes would be much better suited seeing that they pierce the skin of humans making them a much more suitable vector.  The real question is why bother infecting humans when you can just prey on their insecurities to separate them from their money.  Create a bogus health pill and put your money into marketing and the suckers will line up and feel what the adds tell them they will feel.

I guess i started in the bathroom, or washroom as they say in America... have i come full circle in this bizarre and pointless exercise?

We all have our moments, some of them better than others.  Maybe there is a song in there... actually i did write a song about the drosophila melanogaster some time ago, i don't even really remember it... i remember it was during the Vancouver Garbage strike that went on all summer, and lets just say it was a bumper year for the fruit fly.  i think i was vacuuming the air in the kitchen just pulling them out of the air and perhaps i went over the edge... i have a feeling the song never really got finished as i probably got distracted... i think we had infant twins that year and a 3 year old.  I know that because we had double diapers for the garbage strike, not that i am happy to announce i used disposable diapers in those years but the facts are the facts.  Our first child we used cloth diapers... lets just say that disposable diapers are a better product in terms of diaper rash frequency, which relates to sleep ability and the whole avalanche that follows.  That year i got into a debate with a "green blog" over diaper choices... the point i will concede is that i only tried one type of cloth diaper, perhaps there are others, but given the start up fees and the uncertainty i was in no mood to experiment.  You are still washing the damn diaper which uses drinking water, and it you like to avoid dry heaving you sign up for a diaper service that burns fossil fuels as well.  Power to the people who stay the course of the most environmentally responsible in the face of fecal matter.  It is interesting however the stats on potty training, in countries where diapers are not very affordable children become potty trained at a much earlier age... when there is a will there is a way.  If you can throw money at a problem you problem will stick around for longer, cause you are not working to solve it, you are just working to manage it.

Fecal matter is the main reason i will always be against pets... there are other reasons of course, but me dealing with fecal matter is the biggest one.  i lived with a crazy loon one time who actually uttered the words "i like to clean a litter box", it was bullshit of course, the kind of thing said in the heat of an argument to counteract good logic.  and in the end of course it was me who had to clean the litter box, because the person who loved to do it kept forgetting for some reason, and there is me dry heaving, suffering horribly, and then being mocked by the litter box loving loon for my weak stomach in dealing with this issue that i was very clear that i never under any circumstances wanted to deal with.   It was a good lesson for me... don't give out trust easily and never agree to live in the same abode as cats.  It is a lesson that has served me well to this day, in fact part of our wedding vows had the statement "and under no circumstances will i ever lose my fucking mind and think we need to get a pet".  I mean i like to visit cats and dogs and if we can live on a farm one day i might reconsider my anti dog policy.. a good squirrel chasing dog could live the good life on my farm, but we shall cross that bridge when we get there.  It would have to be a dog smart enough to go shit in the woods by the farm... we would need woods for spiritual clarity and to support an owl population to help pick off the rodents... but these are obvious points.

Is it weird that i went to the washroom, saw a fruit fly and now we are fantasising about a farm?  Not in my world... why do this?  it's a good question and I'm glad i asked it for you.. not quite sure what the answer is yet but let me wrap the right side of my moustache around my index finger and ponder that point for a while.  I'm going to go with "weird is in the eye of the beholder", i think a lot of things that many people think are normal are weird, but i live in a town now who's motto is "keep Portland weird", and by chance i arrived here, but maybe it wasn't chance... perhaps it was destiny.  In reality I'm not sure i could be in a better spot right now... so many thoughts coming, and i keep checking them.  In some ways i am afraid to tweak and OMEN that is shining brightly upon me, never worry about what people think of you, just continue... Moo say's the cow, in the cow's world.

chronicals

It was the first week of school for all 3 kids, a celebration of sorts, and achieved milestone so to say.  Sure sure, it marks the end of an era, and era that was wonderful, but as a parent who's goal is to raise independent children that leave the nest permanently at the age of 18, it was a good milestone.  Some rue the day, some rejoice in it, different strokes for different folks.

It's fair to say that i overdid it this week... exercise every morning from 9-10am, there was a hockey game Wednesday night, i ran into a concert on Monday night and a late night blog the other night. Overdoing things is my ace up the sleeve, i will not miss out because it was too much.. i will just continue to overdo, it's the way i roll.  Think something is important then get into it, game of cricket, have a hand in it... from the Alien sex Fiend song "get into it"... just to keep our quotes accurate.  The song was a bit of a theme song in 3rd year University... memories  set to music... nothing beats that.  I believe it is also important to show your children to do the stuff that you think is important, and to say "I'm too tired or overwhelmed" is unacceptable.

We signed our kids up for the "hot lunch" program... you eat from the cafeteria rather than pack a lunch... i draw from experience on this one, although i learned a lot this week.  the menu is pre-determined so if it is not what they want i will pack a lunch.

On the first day i threw a small piece of poppy seed cake and an apple into the twins pack in case they got hungry from not enough lunch.  On their introduction i took them into the cafeteria so they could see the process and was told... don't worry everybody is new, we will go through everything.

So when i picked them up from the first day they were faint... i asked how was school... "good but you didn't give us enough food to eat" as Hailie stumbled to the left... WHAT???  No sometimes you don't get the real answers from kids, even though they are naturally honest, so we broke it down... Kaiya got involved (who is in grade 3).  So i went back to the kindergarten teacher and asked if Hailie and Emily ate lunch... the answer i got was well they had some stuff so i thought you thought that was all they needed, and they ate more than some of the kids.  Holy shit i thought, so i mentioned that they had lunch cards and the teacher was glad i pointed that out.  in fairness to the teachers they are overwhelmed and in these situations you tend to notice the kids who are loud and causing issues rather than the kids who are quietly starving and too shy to speak up.  Clearly my error for not showing up... as a former teacher i will never begrudge a teacher or tell them how to treat my children rather i want my children to learn that life is not an easy ride and you need to overcome all obstacles.

Shit happens.. my kids starved on the first day of school... should i freak out or realize that this was the greatest lesson.

On the second day of school i showed up at lunch time 11am for the Kindergarten class... there were Hailie and Emily with their hot lunch trying to open their milk, too shy to ask... i opened the milk and hung out for a bit.  Now because of education funding cuts lunch is only 15 minutes, which is crazy cause it took me 45 minutes to feed my kids at home.. focus on your food, sit properly, don't worry about that... you know if you know.  But the thing is the class is dismissed from lunch but if you want to stay and eat you can so i told them... you girls stay and finish your food if you are not done in the 15 minutes... you don't want to be hungry at school.  They looked very seriously at me and said 'no we don't want to be hungry at school"...  so they stayed and ate.  i showed up every day, after the first day, for lunch to reinforce the message and to go over opening the milk technique.  They can open their milk now and are solid in the idea that they want to eat their whole lunch.  just a note, you can always turn a negative into a positive.

On my end the school secretary saw me coming in every day to get a "guest pass" to get into the cafeteria to make sure everything was OK, and pitched the idea that i could help out doing recess monitoring, because of course they are underfunded and desperately need volunteers (go war go).

Now you have to see things from my perspective... after 8 years i finally have a moment away from kids.. i love my kids, and would try to move the world for them... actually i wouldn't cause i know it is an impossible task, but the sentiment is there. But this is a week i have been waiting for for a long time... so to be suddenly hit with the concept of 1) peak sun (my arch nemesis) and 2) a field of screaming kids (my other arch nemesis) i went from free falling  in a state of bliss to stuck in a gel that had a gravitational pull... you see our family's motto is to always help and volunteer whenever possible.. it's a good place to be, a path to a rich life for sure.  But if i were to go to therapy, which is not my style i believe my therapist would recommend staying away from kids.  In fact a perfect job for me would be a teachers assistant.. i would work the same hours as my kids, but the reason it wouldn't work is that once i got off work I would be burned out of kid duty and my own children would suffer.

So there i was in the office. pressed with the volunteer plea... my brain frozen.  there was a vision of me trying to kick start my brain for an excuse like a person might try to start a dirt bike, and i came up with "i have something on the stove", which was total bullshit of course, and i slipped the noose.

The the deli ma came... i need to go in to make sure the kids are OK at lunch, cause they are too shy to ask for help in a room full of chaos, but to do that i need a pass, which means i need an excuse to not volunteer for recess duty... so i have to show up in a welding mask one day, cause I'm in the middle of welding a child safe device, and a clown costume the next day cause i have a gig entertaining children, and a lab coat the next day because I'm working on a cure for some childhood disease... just to make sure my kids get enough to eat and too see what is actually happening, and to remind them that they are allowed to stay past the 15 minutes to finish their food.

This is where the starving on day one payed off big time... they know one thing, they don't want to go hungry so they stay together and finish their lunch, a thing my 8 year old has yet to learn, because when everyone is leaving to play in the playground the pull is irresistible, unless you know real hunger.

How did I do? free time flies quickly, and there are many things that need to be done, one needs to be organized and have a plan. Floors to wash, bathrooms to clean, food to prepare, gardens to tend, neighbours to loiter with, exercise,  bogus excuses, music gear shops patron, food to purchase, Internet to distract, rugs to wash, projects to finish, songs to write, books to read, photographs to organize... there is never nothing to do, and that's a good thing... life is excellent and i wouldn't trade mine for anybodies.

Time keeps on slipping into the future (Steve Miller of course)... King Hell drums on that track played by Gary Mallaber  who is a Los Angeles session drummer the Internet tells me.   I think good drummers need more respect, trust me without a good drummer you are fucked.  You are watching the singer or the guitar player thinking it is all happening, but if the drums aren't happening nothing is.

There was a free water aerobics class this week... me and a bunch of female senior citizens making like washing machines in the pool, it would have made for a fine reality television show... i think I'm not really a television person although i believe my children could use the help of the sesame street character "Count", as our homework is to help our kids learn to count... one of the negatives of a no TV household... of course there are too many positives to enter a serious debate about the issue... if a cable company could provide me with something that didn't load up on the hoarse shit perhaps we could have a conversation, but that's not the way.  Any system that treats the common citizen like some rube sucker can lick a shit as far as i am concerned.

I will not buy, will not believe, i will not see what they tell me to see.

Never think your kids are falling behind on some week to week basis... you just run the chance to instill a prospect of failure that is unnecessary.  My oldest daughter was late to read but now reads constantly... she was never told anything.  i was late to read and was told i hated reading and only liked hockey and so i bought into that, which is why i suffer such  obvious illiteracy.   In school you learn how to learn, sometimes it takes longer for other kids, do me a favour... don't bring the hammer down on a kid, they are just a kid, everybody develops at their own rate... talk to me in grade 11 when some are solving more complex math problems than others, but perhaps those not solving math problems are excelling in other areas.  Don't be a fool and pin your hopes on your kid. they might have a talent that is outside your "hope" range.  Don't rob them of the chance to explore that one, they want to please... park your ego and let them be.