Thursday, August 29, 2013

Man do guinea pig's stink...

To my right is one stinky ass guinea pig alone in a cage... hardly a model pet by any stretch of the imagination.  Of course the way i see it is that the only model pet is no pet at all, but that is just me... i might like dogs if they didn't scratch and damage things, and of course shit... lets call a spade a spade... the fecal matter is really the arrow through the dream of having a pet.  But taking care of one for a week for a kid's friend is actually a good idea.  A good idea in that it proves that it is actually a bad idea, and knowing what a bad idea is makes for a good life.  It is actually one of the real keys to a good life, really knowing what a bad idea is.  Many people spent their lives making the same mistakes over and over again, and it is because they fail to truly see the bad in the idea... or perhaps they are olfactory impaired.

By the way if you are a pro pet kind of person and might be offended by a man ripping the idea of a guinea pig, then there is a button on the top of this blog... it says "next blog"... you might want to hit it because with every breath i take i hate this fucking thing more.  Don't get me wrong i think the idea of a guinea pig in your house is a great idea, I'm pro that... actually I'm neutral to be truly honest, but i am very much against the idea of a guinea pig fouling up my air quality.

Simple question- why don't i clean the cage?  1) I did 3 sets of diapers, I'm done with the fecal clean ups. 2) even my kids think it stinks real bad... this is a good thing, and nobody is jumping in to clean it so i would be the fool of fools to set that kind of precedent.

I have had cat's before, and it was always in a communal living situation, and every time the people pushing to get the cat swore that they would clean the litter box, but yet many times it was me dry heaving dealing with a very very bad situation.  I actually lived with a girl who one time told me that she "loved cleaning litter boxes"...  now saying that it was a dead give away that it was bullshit, and i saw that at the time but i wasn't strong enough at the time to really lay down the law... it was back in that weird phase i had where i trusted and tried to believe in people.  Sure somebody just loved cat's enough to think that they actually loved cleaning a litter box... for a human it's not that uncommon, hey we shit in drinking water and then post things on social media about how much we care about the state of our environment.

This particular guinea pig doesn't like to come out of it's cage and play with the girls... it's more of a decorative shaking stink machine... yep just in the corner of the cage fowling up the air space.  I asked my daughters how they liked the smell and the answer was "not too good"... this is a good development.  The last thing we need around here is an experience where the kids have a blast with some stink machine and then want one for themselves.  Apparently people say guinea pig's are good pets because they don't live too long... is that a nice way of saying the burden of having a useless odour creating rodent in your home that you are paying to feed will not carry on for many years?

I wonder how that thing would like the front porch?  I could put it out there and close up the windows, but what if something ate it in the night?  It could scar the child who owns it and they would never let us pet sit again... hmm.  I won't do that... I'm just going to breath in as much of this stench as possible and use it to further solidify my resolve against pet ownership.  My wife is on board, but then remember our wedding vows a short ten years ago last week... do you promise to never lose your fucking mind and try to think that having a pet would be a good idea... i do.

My wife is very solid on this issue... there are people out there that have partners and one day they came home and "surprise" we have a new pet... look how much the child loves it... isn't this great.   I have no fear that this would ever happen with our bond.

Hey the guinea pig is moving... i think it might be chewing on something... if i get closer to it i might vomit on it so we will just say that it is alive and thriving in it's cage... it's little cage that it will spend it's short life in so that it can make a kid feel happy that they have something.  OK that was kind of negative... hot damn it just ran across the cage... a veritable 3 foot sprint... i think it just kicked up more stench.  I guess one good thing about having a guinea pig as a pet is that you are not going to spend a lot of money on vet bills... a sick cat could cost a small fortune and some of that fortune could go into medication that gives the damn thing diarrhea and then the next thing you know you are dry heaving and you throw your back out.  I have actually injured my back cleaning a litter box and then i was ridiculed by the fool that brought the damn cat into the house for having a low mammalian shit tolerance. 

If i was a farmer on a farm and i had a barn, which i would like to be one day, i wouldn't mind this odour, and maybe there would be a dog beside me running off into the field to drop a load nobody will really care about and have to deal with... of course it would be better if there was a wooded area beside the farm where the dog could go drop a bomb... the dog would serve as a fine companion and a general lookout for chicken predators... of course there would be stinky chickens on the farm but they would be in an area that would not be my living room.

i guess the guinea pig is sort of kind of "cute" if you have a distorted sense of reality... i find it kind of depressing seeing an animal in a cage, and you have to leave it tin the cage because if you let it out it is too stupid and it might run some where where you can't get it and then it might die and you will have to live with a decaying corpse in your living space.  I would call that a bad development.  When i was a kid we had some gerbils and one got loose in the house and disappeared... from my foggy memory the gerbil experiment didn't last long, although i do remember them running in that wheel and i thought that was kind of fun.  I think my parents did the gerbil thing to avoid getting a cat at the time... probably not a bad idea on some levels.