So i went to a barber the other day... probably the first time in over a decade. I have always been from the school that a real man can cut his own hair and then walk around with his head held high singing "i will not buy". There are not many of us left out there in this fast food hipster world... but hey "i just gotta be me".
The big draw for me was that i had inside information that the barber i was going to liked to get a little hot under the collar about some issues that had to do with the development of our neighbourhood. I figured it was a no brainer... go in there, get in the chair and then try to get on a few issues that a friend of mine had mentioned really gets this barber going... in principle the idea is golden... get the barber going stoke the rage all while a little clippity clip clippity clip clip clip happens to my head... how could one possibly lose?
How you lose is when you go in so confident in your plan that you think you can not fail... and you focus is all on the success of your plan and how your plan is going to unravel and you chuckle and cluck to yourself about how it's going to be so great... and educational also... i mean that, I'm sure a barber knows a lot of stuff about the neighbourhood... i was hoping for a lecture from a a man who i heard can get quite animated over certain issues.
Funny that it occurred to me that it would be educational because a lifelong barber would have his ear to the ground and his thumb on the pulse of the neighbourhood, but it failed to occur to me that this same man would be a pro at reading and dealing with all kinds of people, and there is me thinking it will be a cakewalk, which of course is a critical error. The best rage heroes only go off in fine form when they are in the proper environment. I of all people I should know this, and it was a great failure of mine to not see this... almost like that time when we had the rage cab driver that got to know me and sometimes he would have to pull over by the side of the road so he could turn around and point his finger at me to exclaim his rage... I was a mailman at the time and i had a route that was dubbed a "cab" route, which meant that i went out to the route in a cab because it was far away from the station and the bus service would have taken more time than just paying for a cab... anyhoo i had a buddy that was on a route nearby that was a bus route but since it was on my way i would take him in the cab and drop him off... he was a good guy and he was eager to learn the ways of a rage cabbie... originally he was taken aback that our cab ride had taken so long because the cab driver went bananas over an issue (happened to be the George W. Bush war that was started under obvious false pretences)... anyhoo the driver knew me and was comfortable with our conversations. To make a long story mid lenght my friend was originally a bit nervous but learned to enjoy the rage lectures and after a few we got in the cab and he said "so anything making you mad".. this was a rookie mistake because it put the cab driver in an odd position and there was no rage that day and i scolded my friend for his silly approach.
and then years later i made the same mistake... i walked into a barber who i didn't know me but knew how to deal with people thinking i was going to call the shots.
When i walked in there he had a friend there and the barber was cutting somebodies hair so the friend and i started talking cameras and i let it slip that i was there for a "social experience" and the room changed like a wind coming from the other direction... it was probably then that the hunter became the hunted but the hunter failed to realize that because the hunter was suffering from confidence induced delusions and that is never good for a sportsman... as you can well imagine.
And then when i got in the chair the barber asked me what i wanted and i said i didn't care just go at it... he wanted no part of that and said he doesn't "style" but does what people want, and then i went further in my folly and said i didn't care what my head looked like and i wouldn't be angry with any cut... and then i mentioned that i usually cut my own hair to which he replied that he could see that by the fact that it was all completely uneven (this brought laughter in the shop)... and then i tried to explain that this cut was actually incomplete... to which he agreed before I could explain that while i was performing that particular cut an emergency happened and i had to stall the cut process and forgot to get back to it which in fact put me in an odd position of looking like some deranged lunatic.
I had these nice overgrown sideburns that i was going to refuse to let the barber cut thinking that he would be frazzled by focusing on the items that i had expected we would talk about but instead i took a savage beating and i spent the entire haircut on defense and then when it came time for the sideburns he just plainly said that it would look stupid to go around with the elongated sideburns... i tried to resist but his friend mentioned that i was indeed in for a social experience and then the clippity clip happened... i had already stated that i didn't care, i was indifferent and just along for the ride... essentially meaning that the barber was the driver and i was the passenger. It was like walking into a room with a bag of marbles and the bag spits and your marbles scatter.
By the time i was done i looked like a fat middle aged salesman with cheap sideburns and a comb over to protect a balding hairline... i limped out of there and went home with my hair out of my eyes which was good.
I think I'll go back but I'll be prepared next time.
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