Uncle Rammone

I remember a few people telling me over time that i am the only person they knew that didn't change a bit once they had children.   Now you could take this either way, or let it just be what it is... sure i could be more mature and serious, but since that probably ain't going to happen lets get on with the story.

Summertime morning and i had the flash idea to get out the clippers and take some random swipes at my head.  That is barbering in my world... a haircut is something i can't pay for seeing that i just don't give a damn enough what my hair looks like to justify the pampering on my behalf.  Some people, they get a haircut and they are just shining like a new dime, and that's great... money well spent.

I did go to that barber a few years ago in Vancouver because i though he was a rage barber and that didn't work out as expected, like may things in life, a good lesson.

So i went from long hair and big sideburns to brush cut and clean shaven face, and i remembered the time i went to a Stoke show.  I had had a large beard and long hair for a number of years, actually longer in time than most people i met at the show knew me.  So i was standing in the circle of these people and nobody was acknowledging me... they didn't recognize me, and Shockk didn't miss a beat and introduced me to the gang as "Super's brother Rammone"... hell they didn't know Super had a brother and were glad to meet him.  Unfortunately i got too into character and started speaking in a thick french accent, but as they say if you want to get away with a lie make it as outrageous as possible if you want people to believe you.  Not sure who was believing what but there was defiantly an aura of stunned confusion that made for quite a pleasant evening.

So after i sheered down this morning and i remembered this i thought it might be a funny little joke to throw on a suit and tie and my wife's glasses and take a picture and post in on social media with a caption along the lines of "great to see my brother Rammone, in town for some business meetings making some deals".  it was an inside joke for a few and just comedy for others i hope... social media is for having fun right?

Enter my oldest daughter who has been slipping on the computer more and more these days and she sees me in a suit and tie and she says "Dada why are you dressed like one of those serious people", so i showed her my status update and she burst into hysterical laughter repeating the business deal line over and over.  Now she was looking forward to comments that might come and to why the name Rammone.  I gave her the history of Rammone Robertson skipping the University years and stats class rather starting in the tree planting years and then the night of the Stoke show.  Now she likes her detective books and the idea of doing some sleuthing and some scheming.

Then at dinner tonight it was just me and the girls as Mom was running late from work and the kids were hungry.  So Kaiya starts telling the twins about Uncle Rammone and we show them the picture of "uncle Rammone".  Now being identical twins you probably develop a pretty good sense of who is who, and they weren't buying it.  Makes sense... you are 6 years old and one day you come down for dinner and you hear about your fathers twin for the first time and you see a picture of him and your father has the exact same haircut at this time that old uncle Rammone has... but they are intrigued and Kaiya goes to work on them telling them "uncle Rammone stories" off the top of her head.  Uncle Rammone is a bit weird she says, "one time he gave me a bloody Mary" she muses, and they start biting... "what is a bloody "Mary?"... oh it's a spicy tomato drink with vodka, she calmly replies.  For the record my wife had a bloody Mary at a Mexican restaurant last week and Kaiya was asking about it, i guess that's where she pulled that from.  She was on a roll so i let her go...  you know how people confuse Hailie and Emily... well it's the same with Uncle Rammone and Dada. then she looked at me and said actually Uncle Rammone is coming over tomorrow to take us out for ice cream because Dada has an important business meeting. 

Gotta say two brilliant strokes for the young Kaiya... first introducing a trip to the ice cream store and selling the idea that i would actually have an important business meeting to successfully push a falsehood on her sisters.  Pretty high end comedy if you were there, but it was only us.  Hailie was very intrigued but she wanted to know the truth, so i began to be in a bit of a dilemma, i don't want her to become upset about a falsehood, but i also don't want to crush Kaiya's house of cards in lobbying for Uncle Rammone to take the girls out for ice cream tomorrow.  Hailie insinsts that she wants to see Daddy and Uncle Rammone together, and then get the ice cream... Kaiya frantically selling my important business meeting and the kids go into a huddle... Kaiya selling, Hailie not buying and then Emily chimes in with "just you wait until tomorrow when Uncle Mamone comes".

By this time Hailie is becoming distressed, so i kind of have to call things off so i tell Hailie "you are pretty smart" and she smiles and comes and climbs on me and i tell her "you think uncle Rammone is just daddy in a monkey suit and mommy's glasses don't you".  She laughs and says "yea cause i was spying on you when you was in that suit, and i know you was in mommy's glasses".

Apparently it is still a good idea for weird old Uncle Rammone to take the girls out for ice cream tomorrow, and just then mom comes home and all the girls are jumping around talking about uncle mamone.  Now my wife, who goes to work and does work and not sifting through social media had no idea what anybody is talking about we are just laughing away with all this uncle Rammone talk.

My wife knows we are weird, but dinner was made and there was a tonne of fresh swish chard (her favourite) so all was good.  I'm sure my kids will be more than happy to have me walk down Hawthorne sweating my bag off in a suit and tie speaking in a french accent all the way to the ice cream store... buy the ticket take the ride EH!

                                                                Uncle Rammone

I hope I'm wrong...

I was just going to kill the slugs and go to sleep, but this news story just doesn't sit right with me.

Apparently parasitic wasps from Asia will be released in Canada to try to help control another introduced species: the ash borer.  Of the little information given one sees a picture of a parasitic wasp attacking a lady bug and in another fool hardy statement they go so far as to predict that the introduction of a parasitic wasp will in some way protect property values.

Anybody smelling a rat the size of an elephant?  Apparently the scientists are sure there will not be a problem... are these the few scientists left that are allowed to speak?

Now I'm not saying that the introduction of the ash borer in the first place, which happened accidentally, or more realistically hitched a ride on a ship over here, is a good thing at all.  It's just that how many times has this turned out badly (introducing species to control other species).

So the parasitic wasp comes over and finds a new favourite food that turns out to be a very beneficial organism, and perhaps introduces some disease to some native wasps... all hypothetical stuff off the top of my head of course... and then we get to hear some moron say "nobody could have for seen".

Hopefully it won't be a cane toad sized unmitigated fiasco, but remember there are some moron Australians who think cane toads are great, and some even wanted cane toad statues in certain cities.


My spidey senses are a tingling, and me thinks that introducing foreign parasitic wasps might come back to sting you.

UPDATE!

Since posting this i have conversed with and upstanding entomologist, and he believes the plan to be a sound one... also doing some other research it seems that these wasps have been released in Michigan with moderate success and little negative consequences. 

Ultimately the idea is that when a non native pest becomes introduced into an area where it has no natural predators it can thrive, and so introducing the predator can work in some situations.  The other fact is that the ash Borer is a serious threat to Canadian forests.  Dead forests are real bad.

I would say that the CBC story was pretty weak on facts and strong on flash.   As a result i stand behind my original freak out.  Probably best to not show a parasitic wasp attacking an insect that is not an ash borer, and don't confuse the importance of a healthy biosphere as something that can help maintain "property values".