Of course it is Movember, and I was asked to join a Movember team with some of the local fathers. Now it's not like I need any facial hair prompting so sure I'm in.... why not. Besides i kind of need to start a Moustache to look like my passport photo for that trip we are taking in the winter.
Well it has come to my attention that I am dealing with a pack of facial hair rookies, and even worse they are reveling in their rookie state. It's a damn shame and a disgrace to professional facial hair as a whole, but it's for a good cause, and it raises awareness about prostate cancer (will it get all the guys into a doctor to get the rubber finger through the rectal hole for a feel to see if anything is enlarged?) You know you have to do that right?
So the most obvious mistake is the fool who shaves every day to leave a tiny moustache on their face to be ridiculed, and laughed about at work, by family members and "friends"... a test of your manhood right... good for conversation and awareness and perhaps the embarrassment becomes a better fundraiser, but it's all wrong.
Grow a beard... if you haven't done that ever in your life i don't know what to say... really I can't comprehend.
Why?
1) Because you need to know how your facial hair grows in.
2) That will let you know what will look best on your face
3) You will need to carve the moustache from some real growth to be able to see it for what it wants to be.
4) Not only that but if you trim it every day you become suspect to the "over trim", especially as a rookie... a little mistake on one side and then you have to even it up next thing you know you have the Adolf Hitler Moustache... and that's a real hard one to wear.
Other notes include the fact that you spend the first few weeks walking around with a chump moustache, and that becomes the focus of ridicule... you can't raise a proper moustache under those circumstances... like a child, a moustache needs love, and it needs to be worn with dignity. You have to start dressing to the moustache, walk a little taller, speak a little firmer. As a matter of fact if you get a good moustache it's best in social situations to only talk about things you really know... you start flapping your gums talking some B.S. then you are prone to embarrassing your moustache.
I know of a fellow who can really rock a moustache with great dignity and he has a name for his moustache. I always accepted that as a good idea but now that I'm writing this i can see it clearly.. it is about respecting the moustache and so you give it a name and when it has a name you treat it better, like a son, who you wouldn't ridicule in public. I also read on the internet that Tom Selleck`s moustache has it's own publicist... that is not the sign of a silly little joke.
Now next thing you now it will be Mecember and the rookies and their wives who allowed them to do this this "one time" will go back to their clean little faces just when their moustaches are coming into their prime, which is a damn shame i say... like the week you can go to the water cooler, hold court and bark down some facts about brewing stout and for a while there nobody even notices the moustache, because the moustache is just part of the full package that barks authority.
If you want you can Help me raise more money than the rookies on my "team" because this is embarrassing but i realize the fact of donor fatigue.
I'm starting with the "handelbar" with sharp straight lines on the sides that can grow into a fine "standard" moustache in time, so that when I'm sunning in the carribean I'm also looking good. I want to feel that moustache moving with the tide on a moonlight night... What can i say, I'm a romantic.
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