I went to the gym tonight to watch the Canucks blow a game, and get a little sweat going... it's funny how you can find the strength to get into the gym at night if you have threatened yourself with a 6:00AM gym time. For me it's about flexibility... something that happens to my body when it is not used properly... like for example if one were to spend hours on some shithole computer gathering information and commenting on it than that person would need to do something less sedentary that would put the back in a better position.
I'm coming around to the new Ginger Beer that i brewed a week or 2 back. As a brewer you always get this major paranoia about your beer being bad, or perhaps as a Robertson you apply a base paranoia on everything and depending on the issue the paranoia is manifested with the proper "doomsday scenario" angle.
back to the start... why dd i mention the gym? Because on the way back I happened to go by the sanctuary and Shockk was there and we had a little jam with me on the drums and him on guitar... so much fun. I have been playing my neighbours electronic drum kit from time to time which is great... ***note the paranoid application of that last sentence, actually don't even note it... just go check out some other blog... nothing to read here... I'm going to stop after the next sentence
Did we lose those small minded petty thieves ? What kind of father would i be if i didn't demonstrate a strong reasonable level of paranoia.
One of my greatest moments was in Grand Prairie and we were all tree planters staying in the local lodge for a weekend of binge drinking and laundry servicing. I was coming back to the hotel and i noticed my car was unlocked... i had loaned it to somebody... so of course i grabbed my favourite tape from the cassette deck and then closed the door and made like i was locking it with the key which i didn't have... moments later a woman, one of the cooks for the camp, who i loaned the car to asked me for the keys even though she had them on her person... she happened to be watching me "fake" lock the car and bought it and forgot what reality was. i of course was delighted that my dedication to the slim possibilities had paid reasonable dividends.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
chicken
we went to a "keep chickens in your backyard" seminar type thing at a library tonight.. it was a potluck, so i made some pasta and we went. we were kind of hoping the library would be open, but of course it is Monday... we don't have the funding to open library's on Monday... but we have the money to buy tv ad space to promote Canada's economic recovery plan.
There was a table full of "serious" chicken policy discussers and the 5 of us... no place for a 5 year old and two 2 year old's, and the library is closed. We are in a meeting room by the library, for the record. They are doing the thing where everybody around the table gives their life history and what they hope to get out of their Chicken seminar... then CT takers the stage... she talks i do some minor organizing and then the group turns to me, and CT tells them that i like the idea but don't want to do the work, but she wants to do the work. Jesus Christ now I'm fresh to a room getting my bearings and the crowd of discussion loving earth and animal lovers are looking at me like some lazy fartass. Mind you i did tell CT and the neighbour that i wasn't really into doing a lot of work on the Chicken raising front... for very good reason of course. the obvious logical thing would be caring for animals is a big job and a serious commitment which an honest rational person would understand and commit to or not.
when i told the ladies... my wife and the neighbour that "I like the idea but am not really committed to the work" it was kind of a nice way of saying "what are you crazy, you think I'm getting involved in a labour intensive project with you two loons"
I think last year i was asked about 4 times to see if me and a few people could move a large tree, as if it was something that could be done in a few minutes... in the end i did some tree pruning which assured me Villain status for a long fucking time to the point where ultimatums of me not touching trees on our property have been suggested, which of course has been a bad thing for the Pine tree that took a hit in the snowstorm last year and disparately needs a prune before it splits and tears a long line of bark off the main stem. The point is it's not done and apparently I'm not allowed to do it so the point is if we can't take care of a tree together how the fuck can we take care of chickens. As you get older you have got to know what you can and can't do... I'll take care of the kids, do the compost, run the vegetable garden, make the dinner , clean the kitchen, do minor maintenance, play hockey, stretch, try to keep pace on the album per year release through the last decade, change 2 sets of diapers... but i ain't scooping chicken shit from a pen in my neighbours yard... sorry.
Don't get me wrong they are great ladies and i love them but sometimes you have to call your shots.
There was a table full of "serious" chicken policy discussers and the 5 of us... no place for a 5 year old and two 2 year old's, and the library is closed. We are in a meeting room by the library, for the record. They are doing the thing where everybody around the table gives their life history and what they hope to get out of their Chicken seminar... then CT takers the stage... she talks i do some minor organizing and then the group turns to me, and CT tells them that i like the idea but don't want to do the work, but she wants to do the work. Jesus Christ now I'm fresh to a room getting my bearings and the crowd of discussion loving earth and animal lovers are looking at me like some lazy fartass. Mind you i did tell CT and the neighbour that i wasn't really into doing a lot of work on the Chicken raising front... for very good reason of course. the obvious logical thing would be caring for animals is a big job and a serious commitment which an honest rational person would understand and commit to or not.
when i told the ladies... my wife and the neighbour that "I like the idea but am not really committed to the work" it was kind of a nice way of saying "what are you crazy, you think I'm getting involved in a labour intensive project with you two loons"
I think last year i was asked about 4 times to see if me and a few people could move a large tree, as if it was something that could be done in a few minutes... in the end i did some tree pruning which assured me Villain status for a long fucking time to the point where ultimatums of me not touching trees on our property have been suggested, which of course has been a bad thing for the Pine tree that took a hit in the snowstorm last year and disparately needs a prune before it splits and tears a long line of bark off the main stem. The point is it's not done and apparently I'm not allowed to do it so the point is if we can't take care of a tree together how the fuck can we take care of chickens. As you get older you have got to know what you can and can't do... I'll take care of the kids, do the compost, run the vegetable garden, make the dinner , clean the kitchen, do minor maintenance, play hockey, stretch, try to keep pace on the album per year release through the last decade, change 2 sets of diapers... but i ain't scooping chicken shit from a pen in my neighbours yard... sorry.
Don't get me wrong they are great ladies and i love them but sometimes you have to call your shots.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Robertson Notes
Kids refusing to sleep and screaming incessantly... last night took the locking doorknob off of the bathroom and put it on the Twins door... tonight CT took the bulbs out of the light. Thee old battle. Kids get old enough to do something (crawl out of bed, turn the lights on, have a party, come downstairs...) and then parents have to enforce the boundaries... most of the people i have talked to end up spending hours outside the kid's room... I like locks, i always have liked locks. Locks remind people that they shouldn't be doing what they are trying to do. I could go into great detail about locks and security but to post that online would be a serious breach.
Earlier today when i was walking around in my underwear @ The Bay, our crew had to breach security. In the end the lady was really nice about it, and since we did end up buying SR 2 pair of new Jeans, it was all good. I have been going around with a hole in my jeans for some time now, that has me exposed from time to time at some of the more formal occasions a man of my stature ends up attending. I find if you just stand at the Buffet with your knee's facing the table you are usually OK... anyhoo it was Bay Day which means big savings apparently, it was also Sunday it was raining the kids were crabby and we had to go to a Birthday party in a few hours, so why not go down to Oakridge mall and get some Jeans with three kids... there are many reasons not to to this, but that's what happened. CT is a business operator when it comes to buying SR clothes... go to the jeans grab a bunch of different sizes and go try them on, so in the first round we get my size... in a few minutes CT has a small collection of possible jeans, but there is a lady by the change rooms who's job it is is to see how many items each "customer" has and then they put a hanger on the doorknob that has the number 1, 2,3,4 or 5. Five being the Key number, because under the protocol you can only take 5 in with you... our normal way is say a pile of a dozen and then a yes pile and a no pile... the poor lady. she has probably been to many "company meetings" where she is told she is responsible to enforce the rules or face punitive damages... which is kind of why i felt it OK to do a little lap in my underwear servicing the different piles.... i figured it would 1. clear out the area a bit and 2. if caught on camera it would help make the nice lady look good. this woman dealt with a rule breaking family of five who showed no regard for showing "skin" in a consumer environment but yet managed to sell 2 pair of pants in about 5 minutes.
Then i went to the gym and caught the canucks game and when i was in the shower some guy came up to me and asked to use some of my soap... and he had an erection. I guess what comes around goes around... what do you say to that? i gave him some soap and tried to ignore the "member", but in some ways i think once you are dealing with erections the game changes a bit. Like it's not like you wouldn't know you have an erection, and sure erection's happen from time to time... but in those times you might want to curb your nude interactions.
I remember when i was a kid, i think like grade 9 and i was on the swim team who practiced at 7:00AM before school... sometimes after practice in the shower my body would do what young boys bodies do and haul off and pop a boner for no good reason, but you can be sure as hell i was out of there like a lightning bolt to sit down in the change room with a towel and then get dressed and off to school to await my next erection which usually happened in English class, for some reason. i had my share of "naked moments" in high school... Ok, i set a record if we are counting... but erections would never be part of the game. It's about comedy,and perhaps challenging a rigid society... but i guess by that ruler a naked erection is more funny and far more challenging.
Nakedness is what you are, erect is what you want.
like you could say... "hey could i have a squirt or your soap, oh yea, don't worry about that it's just a little problem with my penile dorsal vein valve"... no problem man have a few squirts... go crazy.
Earlier today when i was walking around in my underwear @ The Bay, our crew had to breach security. In the end the lady was really nice about it, and since we did end up buying SR 2 pair of new Jeans, it was all good. I have been going around with a hole in my jeans for some time now, that has me exposed from time to time at some of the more formal occasions a man of my stature ends up attending. I find if you just stand at the Buffet with your knee's facing the table you are usually OK... anyhoo it was Bay Day which means big savings apparently, it was also Sunday it was raining the kids were crabby and we had to go to a Birthday party in a few hours, so why not go down to Oakridge mall and get some Jeans with three kids... there are many reasons not to to this, but that's what happened. CT is a business operator when it comes to buying SR clothes... go to the jeans grab a bunch of different sizes and go try them on, so in the first round we get my size... in a few minutes CT has a small collection of possible jeans, but there is a lady by the change rooms who's job it is is to see how many items each "customer" has and then they put a hanger on the doorknob that has the number 1, 2,3,4 or 5. Five being the Key number, because under the protocol you can only take 5 in with you... our normal way is say a pile of a dozen and then a yes pile and a no pile... the poor lady. she has probably been to many "company meetings" where she is told she is responsible to enforce the rules or face punitive damages... which is kind of why i felt it OK to do a little lap in my underwear servicing the different piles.... i figured it would 1. clear out the area a bit and 2. if caught on camera it would help make the nice lady look good. this woman dealt with a rule breaking family of five who showed no regard for showing "skin" in a consumer environment but yet managed to sell 2 pair of pants in about 5 minutes.
Then i went to the gym and caught the canucks game and when i was in the shower some guy came up to me and asked to use some of my soap... and he had an erection. I guess what comes around goes around... what do you say to that? i gave him some soap and tried to ignore the "member", but in some ways i think once you are dealing with erections the game changes a bit. Like it's not like you wouldn't know you have an erection, and sure erection's happen from time to time... but in those times you might want to curb your nude interactions.
I remember when i was a kid, i think like grade 9 and i was on the swim team who practiced at 7:00AM before school... sometimes after practice in the shower my body would do what young boys bodies do and haul off and pop a boner for no good reason, but you can be sure as hell i was out of there like a lightning bolt to sit down in the change room with a towel and then get dressed and off to school to await my next erection which usually happened in English class, for some reason. i had my share of "naked moments" in high school... Ok, i set a record if we are counting... but erections would never be part of the game. It's about comedy,and perhaps challenging a rigid society... but i guess by that ruler a naked erection is more funny and far more challenging.
Nakedness is what you are, erect is what you want.
like you could say... "hey could i have a squirt or your soap, oh yea, don't worry about that it's just a little problem with my penile dorsal vein valve"... no problem man have a few squirts... go crazy.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Ginger beer was a total failure... go back to thee old Robertson Logic. NEVER USE CITRUS PEELS FOR ANYTHING. Ok we knew that, but we lost our fucking minds, just for a quick moment, but it turned out to be that moment that counted the most. That is how life goes... you lose your fucking mind because you think you know what you are doing but the truth is you don't. A classic case of one step forward and 4 steps backwards, as my father would say... well he would say 3 steps, but since i bottled the fucker in a vain attempt to say like "it will be OK", now i have to re-clean those bottles. And then there is the fact that the beer operation feedback loop took a big 1 week hit.
Robertson brewing rule #1... Brew what you know, and then vary that in slight increments.
I had other things to muse upon as the Wart chills, but the rage in my obvious failure is killing me.
Now failure is a term i use from time to time, i believe i have even written a song titled such and it is at this time i would like to differentiate on the kinds of failure our hero finds acceptable.
I am a failure and i know it- with respect to myself as the sole proprietor of a Canadian record company that has 10 releases... yes i am a failure. Having played a show every week this year and having sold next to zero cd's and less than $100 in digital downloads, i believe failure is the term. Ohh don't be so hard on yourself i can hear people say... i say who ever said that stating facts is hard on people... well it is, on most people, but it shouldn't be. Imagine if i was on Dragon's Den... that show where you pitch your business to cut-throat executives... i'd be laughed out of the room... as i should, and as i would want to be. My plan would be that of a failure... and that's what i mean by that.
My ginger beer was a failure- completely unacceptable! This it the kind of failure that is grossly irresponsible and cannot happen. Besides the irony of me being able to accept my body of artistic work a failure, and at the same time see 23 liters of soiled alcoholic beverages a mind numbing failure, there is real logic in the game plan.
summary- if you are going to do something do it right if its black and white, and if it's art then do it on your own terms.
do i want to be a success? I don't know... i kind of like the comfort of failure
will i be mad if the beer i brewed tonight goes bad? livid.
best part of home brew- not having to deal with the bottle return now that the stores only allow you to return a dozen, or is it 2 dozen bottles at a time. having bought all my beers at the store and paying a deposit on the bottles, and being busy with 3 kids and a failing business venture i certainly don't need a lecture from some clown on why i can't return all of my bottles that are clean and neatly packaged together.
the biggest losers- liquor tax agency, and the bottle collectors in my back alley.
shit is it 1:30 am... brew nights... is there a song in there.
OK
remember never use citrus peels... bullshit. I remember some people who tried to push citrus peel muffins on me. Citrus peels are not for human consumption... remember "NORM and the ORANGE PEELS"... I guess Norm lived with an old friend of mine named Chris, and Norm ate acid one night and as he was tripping he decided he had a hankering for some apples, and he found some, so he thought. The next day Chris saw 7 Orange "cores" on the kitchen table. Norm ate 7 oranges as if they were apples... and the reason that is hilarious, so hilarious n fact that a musical project named "Norm and the Orange Cores" had to be started, is the plain fast that Orange peels are completely unpalatable... but that's the kind of failure i can get behind.
Robertson brewing rule #1... Brew what you know, and then vary that in slight increments.
I had other things to muse upon as the Wart chills, but the rage in my obvious failure is killing me.
Now failure is a term i use from time to time, i believe i have even written a song titled such and it is at this time i would like to differentiate on the kinds of failure our hero finds acceptable.
I am a failure and i know it- with respect to myself as the sole proprietor of a Canadian record company that has 10 releases... yes i am a failure. Having played a show every week this year and having sold next to zero cd's and less than $100 in digital downloads, i believe failure is the term. Ohh don't be so hard on yourself i can hear people say... i say who ever said that stating facts is hard on people... well it is, on most people, but it shouldn't be. Imagine if i was on Dragon's Den... that show where you pitch your business to cut-throat executives... i'd be laughed out of the room... as i should, and as i would want to be. My plan would be that of a failure... and that's what i mean by that.
My ginger beer was a failure- completely unacceptable! This it the kind of failure that is grossly irresponsible and cannot happen. Besides the irony of me being able to accept my body of artistic work a failure, and at the same time see 23 liters of soiled alcoholic beverages a mind numbing failure, there is real logic in the game plan.
summary- if you are going to do something do it right if its black and white, and if it's art then do it on your own terms.
do i want to be a success? I don't know... i kind of like the comfort of failure
will i be mad if the beer i brewed tonight goes bad? livid.
best part of home brew- not having to deal with the bottle return now that the stores only allow you to return a dozen, or is it 2 dozen bottles at a time. having bought all my beers at the store and paying a deposit on the bottles, and being busy with 3 kids and a failing business venture i certainly don't need a lecture from some clown on why i can't return all of my bottles that are clean and neatly packaged together.
the biggest losers- liquor tax agency, and the bottle collectors in my back alley.
shit is it 1:30 am... brew nights... is there a song in there.
OK
remember never use citrus peels... bullshit. I remember some people who tried to push citrus peel muffins on me. Citrus peels are not for human consumption... remember "NORM and the ORANGE PEELS"... I guess Norm lived with an old friend of mine named Chris, and Norm ate acid one night and as he was tripping he decided he had a hankering for some apples, and he found some, so he thought. The next day Chris saw 7 Orange "cores" on the kitchen table. Norm ate 7 oranges as if they were apples... and the reason that is hilarious, so hilarious n fact that a musical project named "Norm and the Orange Cores" had to be started, is the plain fast that Orange peels are completely unpalatable... but that's the kind of failure i can get behind.
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