Leaf's report, for J.K.

Hot damn, another season on us like the word hope defined.  Being a Leaf fan has been a hard dollar for a long time, but there is never a year in which that little childish feeling doesn't somehow flicker in your soul in which you imagine an elaborate dream sequence of chance and fate teaming up together to achieve the unthinkable.

A side note for those who say "the NHL is a savage money hungry beast, and should be ignored", I get your point.  I also drive a car, and for some insane reason i am responsible still for adding plastics to our landfills... far greater sins.  The real trick with the NHL is to make sure they don't get my money.  I mean i would punch myself in the balls before i would pay the ticket price an entertainment company charges, all while asking you, the patron to act as an extra in their made for tv experience.  You know the drill, TV time out, flow of game broken, rock music, advertising... you forgot what was happening.. and then on the big screen MAKE SOME NOISE! MAKE SOME NOISE! LOUDER! LOUDER! And then they race over and drop the puck like it's an emergency.  You see of course what the T.V viewer  sees is a loud boisterous crowd and then action, and the paying fan gets no oscar nomination.

Who cares, i love watching Leaf games, and hockey season in general.  For example, i made one of the best dinners the other night.  Leaf game is on.  Games usually start 4:00 PM my time, given i have lived on the West coast for a couple of decades.  Think about it... I need to have dinner ready by 6... gives me a period to think, plan, light prep (thanks to the commercial breaks)... hey if you can't beat them join them right.  And then an intermission where i blast into the kitchen and put the damn thing together.   And then another period.  Sometimes you get a good cleaning out of it.  Say you wiped the floor, and while you were wiping the floor your team's captain Dion Phaneuf walks in over the blueline takes a nifty Nazem Kardi pass and goes top shelf where momma keeps the cookies.  Well, you might see that as a good OMEN, perhaps it was the fact that you were wiping the floor that tipped the balance in the universe spurring the goal to happen.  In the end you get a nice clean floor...  when hockey is your religion, you need to practice your prayers.

So what about this Toronto Maple Leaf team for the 13/14 season?

If everybody on the team has a "career" year, i like our chances.  Hey go with the obvious first right?

The culture is changing, there is no doubt about that.  There is youth and some pretty damn good players.  And the pretty damn good players are pretty young, which marks a significant change from the Leafs of yesterday, where the team would pay a premium for older, past their prime name stars.

I like the goal tending, I knew Reimer would get the start in game one, it had to happen.  They owed him that honor for sure, had they not played Reimer in game one it would have been a bad omen of things to come.  And Reimer played great in the opening game, which he won.  Now Bernier get's the start tonight and that's all good, he looks like the real deal (although i thought Cornell alumni Ben Scrivens looked real good last year).  The smart money is that Bernier is better (than Scrivens who he was traded for), and under ideal situations both goalies play great, and you have a winning team and an extra asset in goal.  Having 2 good goalies is always a good problem to have, some teams manage that well, and others not so well.

On the defense i thought Paul Ranger had a great game the other day... a veritable steal for the blue shirts. A great big defender who left the game 4 years ago and is now back with a renewed passion for the game.  Anytime you can get a top 4 d-man for nothing but a friendly cap hit is good.  This along with the Kessel extension and the general feeling one get's that Toronto is a place good young players want to play now.  I'm not sure this was always the case, and hey if you are calling the shots on where you want to play why not choose to play on a team you think can compete to win.

It is not unthinkable that the Toronto Maple leafs might have a few players in the top 10 scoring this year.  Not saying it will happen, but it wouldn't be unthinkable to see Phil Kessel, James Van Riemsdyk, Joffrey Lupul or Nazem Kadri in that category.  There are a bunch of potential 20 goal scorers on the team as well... Mason Raymond, David Clarkson, Tyler Bozak and Dave Bolland... Nikolai Kulemin scored 30 a few years ago.

The teams specialty teams have become much improved under coach Randy Carlyle, and the addition of some key penalty killers, Jay McClement leading the pact haven't hurt.

With the defense slowly coming around and a bunch of young defenders in the pipe the identity of the classic Toronto Maple Leafs play poor defense and let the goalie stand on his head routine, is being replaced by some systems and the idea that if you don't play the system, somebody else behind you might be willing to.

 I never play in hockey pools, too much work keeping on top of things, and being a hockey pool guy who goes with his heart, i have a long history of being tarred and feathered.  But this year might actually be different, the team seems to identify with being a team.  I get the feeling that they (the players), in their heart think that they can do something if they work together.  Sometimes you get teams filled with high paid individuals and egos get stomped on and feelings get hurt.  The team's willingness to fight for one another is impressive.  Years ago the New Jersey Devils pushed the leafs around in the playoffs, and i believe they got 6 shots on net in the final eliminating game... they were in the game until the end due to a brilliant performance by Curtis Joseph their stalwart goalie at the time, but you can't win a game getting 6 shots on Martin Brodeur.  The team back then won a lot of games with stellar goal tending and a third period push by Mats Sundin, and Alexander Mogilny.

The forwards who won't score a lot, can skate, have speed, will hit and can play a role. Remember Jonas Hoglund and the Robert Reichel /Mikael Renberg years.  They put some points up, but what happened when the games moved up a notch in tempo?

Kudos to the GM's and Coaches who have instilled this more competitive identity and made some good hard decisions to bring the team to the dawn of this new era. 

As usual i am optimistic for a season of omen watching, heckles and hockey in general. If i was a betting man, which i am not, i say the Leafs contend for a while starting now.

Idea for the City of Portland, permits department.

Dear Permit Department Superintendent,

  I was thinking that if you have somebody scheduled for a mechanical inspection, under your terms, which happen to be: You stay home always that day from 8AM to 5PM, then when calling the people to reschedule, perhaps the opening line of the conversation should not be: "hi we have had to re-schedule you inspection until tomorrow".

Perhaps an opening line along the idea of "sorry due to (insert natural disaster here), we will be unable to meet the commitment we made to you, that caused you to  alter your day so completely... is there a convenient time in the future for you that we could do this?"

I suggest a meeting in the office, perhaps you could bring coffee and doughnuts, and have the staff do some role playing.  It could be a real good bonding experience.

I think it might do wonders for the relationship between the permit department and the general public.

You see somebody might have children, who need to be escorted to and from school, which means coverage at the house for these moments.  Perhaps they work and are losing the chance to make money while they wait for the permit department?  Is there any idea of when or if tomorrow's new scheduled appointment will happen?

If you need me to run the meeting, we can talk, my rates are very affordable and i will show up as scheduled down to the minute.

I do realize that any kind of strange thing can happen while an inspection is underway, and so hence it can be hard to predict exact times in this line of work. 

That said, i believe you should make every effort to try to appear some time in the 8 hour window, and rescheduling appointments with zero input from the other party breezes an air of arrogance that is hard to inhale.

Mark Robertson


**** UPDATE***

Within seconds of posting this venting little blog, there was a knock at the door... it was the inspector, his boss said this was a "Must do!" job today.  I take it the boss got my phone messages.
Clearly i am overjoyed right now, but i almost went to Yoga and missed the whole thing, i was actually about to leave.

It was my understanding that i was rescheduled until tomorrow,  so as another side note it's good to communicate.  If you re arrange your schedule to meet the needs of a citizen in distress, don't be afraid to call and communicate.

Anyhoo, City of Portland, you are still a star in my books.  I believe you care... we can work on the communication part in my seminar :).

Man do guinea pig's stink...

To my right is one stinky ass guinea pig alone in a cage... hardly a model pet by any stretch of the imagination.  Of course the way i see it is that the only model pet is no pet at all, but that is just me... i might like dogs if they didn't scratch and damage things, and of course shit... lets call a spade a spade... the fecal matter is really the arrow through the dream of having a pet.  But taking care of one for a week for a kid's friend is actually a good idea.  A good idea in that it proves that it is actually a bad idea, and knowing what a bad idea is makes for a good life.  It is actually one of the real keys to a good life, really knowing what a bad idea is.  Many people spent their lives making the same mistakes over and over again, and it is because they fail to truly see the bad in the idea... or perhaps they are olfactory impaired.

By the way if you are a pro pet kind of person and might be offended by a man ripping the idea of a guinea pig, then there is a button on the top of this blog... it says "next blog"... you might want to hit it because with every breath i take i hate this fucking thing more.  Don't get me wrong i think the idea of a guinea pig in your house is a great idea, I'm pro that... actually I'm neutral to be truly honest, but i am very much against the idea of a guinea pig fouling up my air quality.

Simple question- why don't i clean the cage?  1) I did 3 sets of diapers, I'm done with the fecal clean ups. 2) even my kids think it stinks real bad... this is a good thing, and nobody is jumping in to clean it so i would be the fool of fools to set that kind of precedent.

I have had cat's before, and it was always in a communal living situation, and every time the people pushing to get the cat swore that they would clean the litter box, but yet many times it was me dry heaving dealing with a very very bad situation.  I actually lived with a girl who one time told me that she "loved cleaning litter boxes"...  now saying that it was a dead give away that it was bullshit, and i saw that at the time but i wasn't strong enough at the time to really lay down the law... it was back in that weird phase i had where i trusted and tried to believe in people.  Sure somebody just loved cat's enough to think that they actually loved cleaning a litter box... for a human it's not that uncommon, hey we shit in drinking water and then post things on social media about how much we care about the state of our environment.

This particular guinea pig doesn't like to come out of it's cage and play with the girls... it's more of a decorative shaking stink machine... yep just in the corner of the cage fowling up the air space.  I asked my daughters how they liked the smell and the answer was "not too good"... this is a good development.  The last thing we need around here is an experience where the kids have a blast with some stink machine and then want one for themselves.  Apparently people say guinea pig's are good pets because they don't live too long... is that a nice way of saying the burden of having a useless odour creating rodent in your home that you are paying to feed will not carry on for many years?

I wonder how that thing would like the front porch?  I could put it out there and close up the windows, but what if something ate it in the night?  It could scar the child who owns it and they would never let us pet sit again... hmm.  I won't do that... I'm just going to breath in as much of this stench as possible and use it to further solidify my resolve against pet ownership.  My wife is on board, but then remember our wedding vows a short ten years ago last week... do you promise to never lose your fucking mind and try to think that having a pet would be a good idea... i do.

My wife is very solid on this issue... there are people out there that have partners and one day they came home and "surprise" we have a new pet... look how much the child loves it... isn't this great.   I have no fear that this would ever happen with our bond.

Hey the guinea pig is moving... i think it might be chewing on something... if i get closer to it i might vomit on it so we will just say that it is alive and thriving in it's cage... it's little cage that it will spend it's short life in so that it can make a kid feel happy that they have something.  OK that was kind of negative... hot damn it just ran across the cage... a veritable 3 foot sprint... i think it just kicked up more stench.  I guess one good thing about having a guinea pig as a pet is that you are not going to spend a lot of money on vet bills... a sick cat could cost a small fortune and some of that fortune could go into medication that gives the damn thing diarrhea and then the next thing you know you are dry heaving and you throw your back out.  I have actually injured my back cleaning a litter box and then i was ridiculed by the fool that brought the damn cat into the house for having a low mammalian shit tolerance. 

If i was a farmer on a farm and i had a barn, which i would like to be one day, i wouldn't mind this odour, and maybe there would be a dog beside me running off into the field to drop a load nobody will really care about and have to deal with... of course it would be better if there was a wooded area beside the farm where the dog could go drop a bomb... the dog would serve as a fine companion and a general lookout for chicken predators... of course there would be stinky chickens on the farm but they would be in an area that would not be my living room.

i guess the guinea pig is sort of kind of "cute" if you have a distorted sense of reality... i find it kind of depressing seeing an animal in a cage, and you have to leave it tin the cage because if you let it out it is too stupid and it might run some where where you can't get it and then it might die and you will have to live with a decaying corpse in your living space.  I would call that a bad development.  When i was a kid we had some gerbils and one got loose in the house and disappeared... from my foggy memory the gerbil experiment didn't last long, although i do remember them running in that wheel and i thought that was kind of fun.  I think my parents did the gerbil thing to avoid getting a cat at the time... probably not a bad idea on some levels.

random notes while on vacation

So i walk into a bar in St. Catherines Ontario and ask the bartender "what do you have on tap that has a lot of hops in it", and she looks at me and say's "what's that?"... so i dumb it down a bit and ask for an IPA and she say's "never heard of it, I have coors light, Molson Canadian, Rickards red, Rickards blond and Budweiser".

Holy ^&$^$*!

You see this is why i go on "vacation", it is just an actual exercise in reminding myself how good i have it.  Did i mention 3 Rickards Blond, because they were actually out of the red, cost $23, and came with a chance to witness an incredibly painful bar staff banter.  Mind you when you are staying in a shithole Motel your local options are perhaps not the best...  My wife and i take shifts running to the watering hole while the kids toss and turn to avoid the bed bugs (joking i hope).

I got wise today,  Ice bucket full of candy assed expensive beers, and I'll hold the fort down while my partner sucks back a few Ceasers in the clown show lounge next door.  I have a hard time looking at a bartender who doesn't know what an IPA is...

It's the problem with moving away from home and having parents and children... the good thing to do is to spent your time bringing your kids back to see the family, and all in all we have it pretty good... not too many totally insane family members with weird ideas about what we should be doing... perhaps we are getting wise... we are in a motel which gives us some control over our situation and when we wake up.

We are a sleep in family... we sleep in until we are no longer tired.  Most say we are lucky and can't believe our fortune... i believe we just trained people properly.  In fact many have commented on how good our kids are, one even mentioned "where do you buy kids like that"...  Obviously you can't buy that, you have to raise it, and i could tell you how but you would hear things you wouldn't like and make an excuse for why you can't do that and we would be back to your problems...

Perhaps i should write a book on child rearing, but i might run into the same problems i had when i tried to teach people how to teach themselves how to play guitar.  You end up talking to people who don't speak the same language as yourself and so your methods don't apply to their situation.  Me, I'm not big on sales or trying to change people and those are the two things i would have to focus on for this venture to work.  Sales pitches irritate the shit out of me... a custom designed set of words placed to start a conversation that will separate a sucker from his money.   And changing people... do people actually really want to change? or do they just say they do to get attention?  I believe more the latter, and that is a horrible belief for sure, but i have it.

Good news is kids are getting to see some cousins, and they are getting along quite well.... two sets of girl twins all cute as hell, just don't try to photograph them all together or your brain might collapse... you might have better luck filming 4 peaceful cats in a bathtub full of water.

Sometimes kids just don't give a shit about being photographed... and who can blame them?  All of these fucking idiot adults with their rules and their cameras trying to micromanage the next game you are in the middle of playing.  At some point you have to stop and say in your head screw this.... i have already stopped and smiled for thousands of pictures in the last few days... enough is enough we are going to play our game and if you can't be a good enough photographer to slip into the reeds ad get your shot then screw it.  Hell I'm with the kids on that one... isn't that why God invented Photoshop?

It must be a real disadvantage to childhood to live in the digital era... back when we were kids every picture cost money to have it developed and buy the film... nobody cared about the environmental cost of film development chemicals.... but that's another one.   But as a result there would be one moment for big staged photographs and often the person with the best camera and a little ability might take the photo and then get prints for the family.

Now everybody has a digital camera and 1 photo costs the same as 1000 unless you are a damn fool and try to print them all out. But as a result, kids are constantly being called over for staged photos... it has to be annoying as hell.

I'll tell you a story about my dad... he took great group photos, and his secret was thinking he knew hot to operate the camera  and then explaining to the posed crowd how the sequence was going to go down only to have it go wrong on him.  Usually by about the 6th time he was able to set the timer and run into the crowd and smile by the time the picture was to be taken.  Of course, by then, everybody was in hysterics over the previous failed attempts and dad's reaction of shock to what went wrong after explaining to everybody how he solved the problem.  Classic dad shot... family laughing bug smiles dad in frame smiling sweating slightly.

Good times, good times

Some of the things that happened today...

You see i received this painting, with a squirrel with it's tail on fire in the mail today addressed to "the institute for sciuridae research combustion division", and the weird mailman delivered it.  As a note I'm all for weird mailmen so long as they get the address right.  So clearly you are doing things right when people send you paintings of squirrels or "sciuridae" in Latin, that are on fire.  I am told it was a paint by number effort and the story can be found here, apparently.

Clearly it looks like the flaming squirrel is running by a mailman in official uniform, but why the mailman is not trying to stomp that fire out nobody knows.  That little vermin could run into any number of holes and set the damn house on fire, but perhaps the mailman is swinging a mallet down on the fire that we just can't see, however if that is so the mailman's feet should be in a different direction as he could hurt his back swinging down aggressively from a twisted angle.

We also went to the pool where an aggressively hyper classmate of the twins came over to play with us in the water totally unsupervised... he was having a blast you could tell and good for him, i could have done without another child screaming about me being a zombie monster who has to chase all of the children, but we weathered the storm.  Like my father before me, I'm not a huge fan of children screaming all of the time, as dad said "it violates that part of the brain that just shouldn't be violated".  As a parent you need a strict year round constant reminder system in place to let children know that screaming all the time is not acceptable.  I like to say "have fun, but don't ruin other peoples fun by subjecting them to those noises".    Of course then people will tell you that you are "lucky" that your children are well behaved and not annoying, and you may be lucky enough then to supervise their child in a pool as he screams at top volume in your face in the pool.  Nice kid however, i could see that he was just really excited and having a real good time... i was happy for him and when my clan decided to opt out of the "dunking game" i think perhaps we were too boring for him and he moved on.

I have been painting my neighbours house so i was working pretty hard and long the last week, but i have powered through most of it.  I worked a bit this morning and later at night, but i took the heat of the day off to hang with the kids, we swam and practiced our reading and i did a big kitchen clean and got on making dinner.

There was a bunch of cabbage in the fridge so i chopped it up finely to make a  coleslaw and for a moment i was stumped, i think it was about 4:15pm, and i aim for dinner to be ready around 6:00pm.   Now being a stay home parent, and taking after my mother, the dinner served on time is one of the key flows in family life.  Never did my mother not have dinner ready for her family come dinner time, so i make that priority number one.  Whatever you do don't do something that will take you off track so that you will find yourself saying "well we didn't have time to make dinner so lets do this..."  But today i felt discombobulated for a while... how am I going to do this?

Well first things first, start blasting some music... i went with Peter Tosh today, live concert i found on youtube, where music is free (more on that in another blog).    I started getting into the process and made the dinner, which really wasn't that great to be honest, but we were fed and i got into the idea that i really do love this one job i have in life.  I love being a stay home parent, and i am actually really good at it, sure there are things where i fail in on this gig, and i am aware of, but not particularly ashamed of.   But it is a great job... in this job you are rewarded by your good work, and you are punished by your deficiencies.  And i think that is the key... often in life you work a job and are not rewarded for your good work, and your are punished by others deficiencies.  It's odd how you can have spiritual moments of this sort on a day where you probably performed at about 30% of your standard.

It is what it is... doing other jobs perhaps brings you back to thinking about the process the the jobs you have, and what it is you like about them.

I remember reading something about Hunter S. Thompson saying that he felt sorry for people he knew in life were were "set" because they would never have to rely on their skills and their ability to use them to get by.  I guess i had that sort of feeling today... we need this done, i can do it, and i had fun doing it.  For the record the coleslaw was great... i think one of the early killers was that one of the recipes  i looked up on the "net" called for celery seed, and i had none, because i had pulled my celery that was going to seed from the garden a few weeks ago.  This is a hard pill for a man gardener to swallow when he could have had something he needed when he needed it but he did something to foil those plans weeks ago.  The celery was large and shading some other plants at the time but the crushing failure of what happened today was not lost on me.   The thing is i recovered with the help of some blasting reggae music and a victors attitude, and a king hell load of salted sunflower seeds.  Sure the broccoli soup had some fibrous parts in it due to my error of throwing in some broccoli that had gone to flower, lets just say we won't do that again... lesson learned.

The twins were fighting today so i separated them, and took the time to do some reading with them individually... a super rewarding experience.  I chose the book "10 Apples up on top" by Dr. Seuss and they were doing great. I need to separate them more and work on reading more... one of my earlier failures.  I need to get them reading better and biking better and we will be set. 

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" said a president of the United States of America... it could only be one, but the question if phrased properly has merit... are the children learning that a parent is there to do the things that need to be done?

It's a good gig, there are many stay home fathers in the "hood", and although my father wouldn't have done it in a month of Sundays being an "old fashioned" male i would take it any day.

I just had to play the tooth fairy... always a comedy of errors trying trying to find things in the dark in a messy room while a kid mumbles and tosses and turns in the night.  Part of your gig is lying on the floor motionless  waiting for a period of restfulness  to mount your attack.   A man with a plan and his setbacks lying motionless by the bed in fear of being caught for some lie that somebody before him made up, but he has to stick to cause it is the way it is.  Like a good old fashioned fireworks bombing in the middle of the night by a friends window, who's father owns a gun and is ill humoured about these kind of operations.  Or a late night run at camp into the girls section on a wing and a prayer that you might find a girl to kiss you... the thing is you can't get caught, and that is the real rush.  You get to the girls cabin and you are hiding underneath it and somebody put their hand in a shit that somebody took under the cabin because they were afraid to go to the outhouse and then Pete runs off a cliff into the water trying to remain avoided and after the splash you run like hell back to your cabin to get back in your sleeping bag like you were there all night... it's called living.   All of the skills you develop as a kid come in handy as an adult.

And there we are.

The day closes.

Uncle Rammone

I remember a few people telling me over time that i am the only person they knew that didn't change a bit once they had children.   Now you could take this either way, or let it just be what it is... sure i could be more mature and serious, but since that probably ain't going to happen lets get on with the story.

Summertime morning and i had the flash idea to get out the clippers and take some random swipes at my head.  That is barbering in my world... a haircut is something i can't pay for seeing that i just don't give a damn enough what my hair looks like to justify the pampering on my behalf.  Some people, they get a haircut and they are just shining like a new dime, and that's great... money well spent.

I did go to that barber a few years ago in Vancouver because i though he was a rage barber and that didn't work out as expected, like may things in life, a good lesson.

So i went from long hair and big sideburns to brush cut and clean shaven face, and i remembered the time i went to a Stoke show.  I had had a large beard and long hair for a number of years, actually longer in time than most people i met at the show knew me.  So i was standing in the circle of these people and nobody was acknowledging me... they didn't recognize me, and Shockk didn't miss a beat and introduced me to the gang as "Super's brother Rammone"... hell they didn't know Super had a brother and were glad to meet him.  Unfortunately i got too into character and started speaking in a thick french accent, but as they say if you want to get away with a lie make it as outrageous as possible if you want people to believe you.  Not sure who was believing what but there was defiantly an aura of stunned confusion that made for quite a pleasant evening.

So after i sheered down this morning and i remembered this i thought it might be a funny little joke to throw on a suit and tie and my wife's glasses and take a picture and post in on social media with a caption along the lines of "great to see my brother Rammone, in town for some business meetings making some deals".  it was an inside joke for a few and just comedy for others i hope... social media is for having fun right?

Enter my oldest daughter who has been slipping on the computer more and more these days and she sees me in a suit and tie and she says "Dada why are you dressed like one of those serious people", so i showed her my status update and she burst into hysterical laughter repeating the business deal line over and over.  Now she was looking forward to comments that might come and to why the name Rammone.  I gave her the history of Rammone Robertson skipping the University years and stats class rather starting in the tree planting years and then the night of the Stoke show.  Now she likes her detective books and the idea of doing some sleuthing and some scheming.

Then at dinner tonight it was just me and the girls as Mom was running late from work and the kids were hungry.  So Kaiya starts telling the twins about Uncle Rammone and we show them the picture of "uncle Rammone".  Now being identical twins you probably develop a pretty good sense of who is who, and they weren't buying it.  Makes sense... you are 6 years old and one day you come down for dinner and you hear about your fathers twin for the first time and you see a picture of him and your father has the exact same haircut at this time that old uncle Rammone has... but they are intrigued and Kaiya goes to work on them telling them "uncle Rammone stories" off the top of her head.  Uncle Rammone is a bit weird she says, "one time he gave me a bloody Mary" she muses, and they start biting... "what is a bloody "Mary?"... oh it's a spicy tomato drink with vodka, she calmly replies.  For the record my wife had a bloody Mary at a Mexican restaurant last week and Kaiya was asking about it, i guess that's where she pulled that from.  She was on a roll so i let her go...  you know how people confuse Hailie and Emily... well it's the same with Uncle Rammone and Dada. then she looked at me and said actually Uncle Rammone is coming over tomorrow to take us out for ice cream because Dada has an important business meeting. 

Gotta say two brilliant strokes for the young Kaiya... first introducing a trip to the ice cream store and selling the idea that i would actually have an important business meeting to successfully push a falsehood on her sisters.  Pretty high end comedy if you were there, but it was only us.  Hailie was very intrigued but she wanted to know the truth, so i began to be in a bit of a dilemma, i don't want her to become upset about a falsehood, but i also don't want to crush Kaiya's house of cards in lobbying for Uncle Rammone to take the girls out for ice cream tomorrow.  Hailie insinsts that she wants to see Daddy and Uncle Rammone together, and then get the ice cream... Kaiya frantically selling my important business meeting and the kids go into a huddle... Kaiya selling, Hailie not buying and then Emily chimes in with "just you wait until tomorrow when Uncle Mamone comes".

By this time Hailie is becoming distressed, so i kind of have to call things off so i tell Hailie "you are pretty smart" and she smiles and comes and climbs on me and i tell her "you think uncle Rammone is just daddy in a monkey suit and mommy's glasses don't you".  She laughs and says "yea cause i was spying on you when you was in that suit, and i know you was in mommy's glasses".

Apparently it is still a good idea for weird old Uncle Rammone to take the girls out for ice cream tomorrow, and just then mom comes home and all the girls are jumping around talking about uncle mamone.  Now my wife, who goes to work and does work and not sifting through social media had no idea what anybody is talking about we are just laughing away with all this uncle Rammone talk.

My wife knows we are weird, but dinner was made and there was a tonne of fresh swish chard (her favourite) so all was good.  I'm sure my kids will be more than happy to have me walk down Hawthorne sweating my bag off in a suit and tie speaking in a french accent all the way to the ice cream store... buy the ticket take the ride EH!

                                                                Uncle Rammone

I hope I'm wrong...

I was just going to kill the slugs and go to sleep, but this news story just doesn't sit right with me.

Apparently parasitic wasps from Asia will be released in Canada to try to help control another introduced species: the ash borer.  Of the little information given one sees a picture of a parasitic wasp attacking a lady bug and in another fool hardy statement they go so far as to predict that the introduction of a parasitic wasp will in some way protect property values.

Anybody smelling a rat the size of an elephant?  Apparently the scientists are sure there will not be a problem... are these the few scientists left that are allowed to speak?

Now I'm not saying that the introduction of the ash borer in the first place, which happened accidentally, or more realistically hitched a ride on a ship over here, is a good thing at all.  It's just that how many times has this turned out badly (introducing species to control other species).

So the parasitic wasp comes over and finds a new favourite food that turns out to be a very beneficial organism, and perhaps introduces some disease to some native wasps... all hypothetical stuff off the top of my head of course... and then we get to hear some moron say "nobody could have for seen".

Hopefully it won't be a cane toad sized unmitigated fiasco, but remember there are some moron Australians who think cane toads are great, and some even wanted cane toad statues in certain cities.


My spidey senses are a tingling, and me thinks that introducing foreign parasitic wasps might come back to sting you.

UPDATE!

Since posting this i have conversed with and upstanding entomologist, and he believes the plan to be a sound one... also doing some other research it seems that these wasps have been released in Michigan with moderate success and little negative consequences. 

Ultimately the idea is that when a non native pest becomes introduced into an area where it has no natural predators it can thrive, and so introducing the predator can work in some situations.  The other fact is that the ash Borer is a serious threat to Canadian forests.  Dead forests are real bad.

I would say that the CBC story was pretty weak on facts and strong on flash.   As a result i stand behind my original freak out.  Probably best to not show a parasitic wasp attacking an insect that is not an ash borer, and don't confuse the importance of a healthy biosphere as something that can help maintain "property values".

The move to Portland...

It's coming up on a year and a half that the family and I relocated From Vancouver B.C. Canada to Portland Oregon U.S.A. and i am often asked about it.  Now I'm not really a believer in decisions so to say, I'm more of a reactor to circumstance, and i believe circumstance has done me well this time.

It was a hard thing to do, we have many good friends in Vancouver, and we were doing pretty good there by all accounts, but i have to say that it took less than a second to decide on the chance to escape my situation.  It was King hell exciting to get a new lease on my identity and for that matter daily ritual.

I got out of walking up at 6 in the morning to race to work to try to deliver a mail route in time to pick up my eldest daughter from school and then do something fun with her before picking up the twins and then making dinner for the family,  all while running some elements of the family household.  I got the opportunity to sift my failing songwriting career to the background, and all of the ruesome conversations that come with that.

On January 9, 2012 i became a man with a normal name living in an awesome house in a fantastic neighbourhood a few blocks from my kids school. On the walks to school i met the neighbourhood... of course I'm a bit weirder than most, but remember this is the City who's motto is "keep it weird"... what was the Vancouver one... "world class city".  Don't get we wrong, I love Vancouver, and I am Canadian on and on, those that know me and know my work would not disagree.    The thing is that here in Portland the neighbourhood is filled with single family homes, people like us with kids like us... sure we are all patriots but i see very little difference between the key things our family views as important than the local families view as important.  Ultimately the same thing in Vancouver, but the big difference is a by product of real estate prices... I believe there were 13 houses on our block in Vancouver and many of them were suited... there are probably 20 houses on our block in Portland and i bet you more people by far lived on our street in Vancouver.  I know most of the people on our block here in Portland, i can't say the same in Vancouver, and remember i was the Mailman for that street.

So i move in and become (again) a stay home dad, and wouldn't you know it that there are more stay home dad's than squirrels in this hood.  Everywhere you start swinging a dead squirrel you hit a stay home dad...  most of them ain't to crazy about being walloped  with a dead squirrel, but hey... never let the truth get in the way of a good story.  I stayed home with the kids for 3 years in Vancouver and as i thought about writing a book about it the working title was going to be "me the grandmothers and the Nanny's".  Truth be told there were a few stay home dads, but one moved to Europe, and the other had another Kid which put him back into the infant caring stage, which cut into our 3 year old's hanging out together easily without urgent incident.

I think i am a migrator, i move on without serious emotional feelings to claw me back to the pond i began in.   I have noticed this as a pattern in my life.. i went to camp made great friends and left with wet eyes and moved on, i worked as a Jr. ranger and a tree planter... same deal tight  knight group separate and move on, i moved across the country from family and never really considered moving back, but that's another novel.

The good part about moving away is that you find out who it is that really wants to keep in touch with you... when effort and money is involved the power of the heart comes through.

Truth be told however when i look at it now that the dust is settled, escaping my career (for the meantime) as a Mailman, cannot be under looked.  Why am i all cheery and happy?  A pound of abstinence is worth an ounce of cure... I mean i loved my job and i was real good at it for what it is worth, but working full time and caring for 3 kids, and dealing with my stubborn insanity about keeping a record company alive by doing a free show every week by being that "wacky guy" is quite a spot to be in... so if there was a way to get out of it nice and clean like i would take it in a second, and i did.

America is America and Canada is Canada, they are both run by the same corporations with the Governments bowing to the same corporate economic ideals.  You could argue the the people running Canada are more in the pocket of big industry that destroys the planet, but it would be an ugly futile argument.    They both are, and the smart citizens of both countries are outraged by this... the rich are concerned about their personal wealth, and the religious are decoyed by defined insanities.  We are essentially a global community now... that's why we have to co-operate on a pipeline to ship oil from one place to another to process it and sell it, even though all logic dictates otherwise.

Sometimes i wish i could write a blog without slipping into this, but it always seems to happen... any tangent you take has a lead into this fiasco.   I guess i t might be important, in the end we are survivalists, and nobody can survive on poisoned air and poisoned water no matter what the corporations tell us... the ads are slick, but they are hollow.

In defense of Phil Kessel

This is a hockey post, so to bring non hockey people up to speed here is a little background.  In 2009 the Boston Bruins traded goal scored Phil Kessel to the Toronto maple leafs for  3 high draft picks (2 first rounds and a second round).  The Toronto Maple leafs tanked big time in those years and the draft picks ended up yielding some pretty good hockey players.  If you knew who you would have got, perhaps you don't make that deal, but all in all Kessel has played very well for the Toronto Maple Leafs essentially being a point per game player during his tenure.

Lets remember Toronto traded away the right to draft Scott Niedermayer for Tom Kurvers, traded Tukka Rask for Andrew Raycroft... actually you could write a book on players Toronto traded for players that amounted to nothing... did i mention that Kessel finished 8th in the league in scoring this year... but all we hear about is the trade and his apparent one dimensional play.

OK

So the Leafs are about to meet the Bruins in the first round of the Stanley cup playoffs so the media needs to dwell on this story because they need to "sell the game"... because it is "the game with in the game".

Kessel who is a shy and educated man is charged with being aloof with the local press, and apparently slipped out the back door after practice the other day rather than answering the same questions he has been asked for the past 4 years.  Certain curmudgeon reporters are calling for heads to roll over this insult insisting that it is the players duty to meet the press to "sell the game".  Yes sell the game don't play it... weren't these the same reporters warning of the danger of the lockout to future revenue when they had no hockey to write about but still filed stories on and eternal stagnent stalemate of a labour dispute?

Why don't they just file a story on what they think Phil Kessel might say when he is asked "did it bother you to be out of the playoffs for 4 years", which happened to be a question he faced today.  Holy shit, what do you think?  You have a highly competitive athelete not playing hockey when it matters most and you want to ask them if it mattered.  Like asking Claude Noel (coach of the Winnipeg Jets) after losing a game that put them out of the playoffs, how did it feel losing that game?

Are we fucking serious... i'd say it feel like his heart was ripped out by gremlins and stomped on by an elephant.  Is that selling the game?  I guess it is because it it creates a clip of somebody going off the rails and everybody likes to see a good freak out, right.

I mean i don't buy the game, I watch it for free, it's true.  I am a rabid fan of my teams but i would never part with the kind of money they want for a ticket or a sweater for that matter... some can justify it, i cannot, i have 3 kids.

When i was a kid my dad and i would go see 5 games a year at the old Maple Leaf Gardens, i believe it cost my dad 22 bucks for the two of us, plus an ice cream bar each.  When i was in high school i scalped tickets to pay my way to see a few playoff games.  I believe it was 22 bucks a game, and with the money i earned as a dishwasher i bought 5 tickets per game and scalped them for like 60 each and paid my way into the barn... i did take some heat on night for being on another scalpers turf, but i survived.

Now to think that somebody would spend $200 plus on a single ticket is just insane to me, so the idea of "selling the game" carries no weight in my world... i'm priced out.  The thing is i don't need to be sold... i don't need a sweater or a ticket to live and die by the game... i find a way.

As my daughter said a few weeks ago to my wife as she settled into bed.... "ahh me and daddy basking in the glow of a leafs victory"... and then later in the week as we watched our donated feed (thanks JK)... "how's the game going kaiya" i said... "well so far there have been 3 holy mackinaw's  one for a goal, one for a save, and one for a big hit".

You see it's the game we love, we also love Joe Bowen's excitement... actually we watched the Rangers Carolina game in the hopes that Winnipeg would get in the Playoffs and my daughter, an astute observer of passion noticed how boring the announcers were.

Boring, that's right, just like the press, so focused on selling something to prove their jobs, that the fact is if you love hockey no sales pitch is needed.  I was on my driveway shooting pucks into the top corner as a kid before leaf playoff games... i use to think if i could put 12 shots in a row off the post and in than it would affect the hockey gods to tilt the game in the Leafs favor... i would be out there for a while, but  i wouldn't come in until it was done, and that's the hockey spirit.

I don't give a rat's ass what some player has to say about some insane question structured to buy into some "sell the game byline".  As they say in sports "that's why they play the game"... I don't care what Phil Kessel has to say to some obvious question crafted to barb him... i care if the Leafs win, as i assume he does, and if they do then the media will have a fucking job to do... make it entertaining and park your ego media... less analysis, and more colourful word smithing on the action of the game.

The media's typical "well you have to answer these inane questions" routine feeds the problem, much like telling taxpayers they have to bail out the banks that swindled their money.  Right is right and wrong is wrong, don't be the problem, be the solution.

A new Library in America

 In these hard times of library closings and box store openings, my wife, doing what she always does, did the change she wants to see in the world.  It has been a long time coming since she first envisioned creating a community library and this weekend we had our grand unveiling party.  We provided some refreshments and some snacks and asked people to bring 2 books that they think are good books.  I imagine that we will become obsessed with making sure there are good books in this library and not a dumping ground for peoples old Microsoft 2003 owners manuals.

Our good neighbours came up big loading up the library with many excellent books, and a good time was had by all. 

 Moments after a quick speech on the importance of books and the importance of reading CT yanked off the white sheet exposing the library to great cheers... and then the kids got in there to grab a book.

 For the record we are now as a household interested in receiving book donations... clearly to maintain some good reading material it would be wise to have a collection of fine literature so that we can amend this literary supply.

Me being a natural maniac had visions of a sign out sheet and perhaps as the sequence goes into the absurd i show up at somebodies house who has a book out for too long... i saunter in say "he how's it going"... "Nice lamp... is it yours", and the person replies "why yes it is one of my favourite pieces".  I then swat the lamp on the floor watching it smash... "damn shame" i say and then pause... as the home owner gulps and tears well up i casually bring up the over due book.   I guess that's my character in the TV series Portlandia... the library Nazi.

I won't do that of course... I've always been more of an egging kind of guy.  i can see it now, I'll be walking to school with the kids and somebody will be talking about how their house got egged late last night... perhaps i could say "were they organic eggs, oh by the way are you done with that book you took from the library", and then give them a stern eyeballing.

Probably a safe bet my wife would be against an egging of a house down the block, so lets just keep this between you me and the internet OK.

Did i mention some moron brought "The tale of Squirrel Nutkin" by Beatrix Potter, for the library... everybody thought that one was funny as I'll get out... just laughing it up. Apparently it's a good book however... I have it and will read it to the twins as they are very eager to hear a story about a squirrel read by me.

Hey it's great, anything to get people interested in books, the more books we can get in our heads the better neighbourhood we will have.

In fact a local school librarian stopped by the other day and complimented the selection of books we had, she took 4 and said she will come back with 4 good books... I gave her a hug, which was really a cover to plant a tracking device on her backside.

I'm joking of course.  This is a pure experiment in doing good for the sake of doing good, to inspire doing good, putting good ideas in peoples heads and bettering the community.

I was actually in Powell's books the other day, as it is across the street from my kids "do Jump" activity and i think i will approach them.  Perhaps they might end up with some "damaged" but highly readable books from time to time.. is it possible for those books to end up in a community library?    Is it one of those situations where a book store has to send back the cover to the publisher to redeem credit for the book?  If so, a good book without a cover is still a good book.

In our library there are 3 shelves, adult books, kids books.. and i was thinking Canadian books.  Perhaps i can get donations from Dave Bidini, Grant Lawrence, Jenn Farrell, Aaron Chapman, Brian Kaufman... Canadian authors and publishers i kind of know. Dare to dream Robertson, dare to dream.

I have been throwing some music in there as well.. so far 4 CD's i made have disappeared.  I will be feeding the library various Canada Lynx Records albums, because i have them, and i think they are good.  Well i probably won't put the Chicken EP in there, but you never know.

I might put some excess garden produce by the library come high garden production time.. it could be a good place to share fresh organic produce.  I like that idea... somebody goes out for a walk and gets a good book and some healthy food.. you could make somebodies day with that kind of action.  And if you can make somebodies day then you just might inspire positive change

On another level it has been neat seeing the books coming and going... sometimes you just want to read a random book and now i have a stash of them in my front yard... my kids go out and play in the tree and grab a book... all three of them were in the tree reading a book, or at least looking at it (in the twins case).  This can't be bad on any level, and i am having more conversations with the local folk who stop in front of our house.  Just a little thing that was fun to do.

Fluoride in the drinking water...

So i went to the dentist today for a little of the old poke and stab at my gums.  My first trip to a non Canadian dentist...  "Oh you didn't grow up here i see"... "you must have come from a place where they put Fluoride in the water" my dentist tells me looking at my teeth for a second.  Yes this is correct.

You see the city of Portland Oregon is about to vote over a measure to put Fluoride in the drinking water.  This is clearly a divisive concept, with many calling to keep the clean water clean, and others rallying for the dental health of the poor and disadvantaged.

Funny thing i saw the other day... people with vote no to Fluoridation chemicals signs asking people to honk their car horns in support of clean water.  People driving a polluting vehicle solo in a car honking a horn because they care so much about the environment.  I always like a good irony alert.

Now as a scientist i look for the right answer... is it a good idea?  We do know that there are chemicals in the drinking water already right... like chlorine right around the same spot on the periodic table... of course if there wasn't chlorine in the water we would have to install more toilets in the city because people would have the shits due to beaver fever.

You see sometimes a little toxin can be a benefit, but in this world of misinformation and false ideas of personal choice people can get a little squirrely.  I have tried to look at both sides of the issue, and since i can't vote, as i am not a citizen, i search the truth.   I think from everything i have  read and heard, from talking to dentists and nurses who have had to put young children under anaesthetic  to have their teeth pulled, to talking to anti-fluoride advocates and reading articles i would error on the side of putting fluoride in the drinking water, as a public health service.  It's hard to see a financial advantage to doing it... it doesn't cost much, but it will probably save money in health care.  If you were a skeptic, like i am, you might think that dentists would be against it so that they could get more business, but the dentist i talked to seemed rather keen on compassionate grounds.

Remember people are against vaccinations claiming that they don't work, which is utter nonsense if you were to actually look at the history of humanity and deadly diseases.  Go tell a diabetic that an insulin shot is a waste of time and a conspiracy.   Next time you get strep throat why don't you pass on the antibiotics and do a cleanse instead?

Don't get me wrong, i realize that the people of this world have been misled about the truth of things time and time again, so why would you believe what the authorities tell you?  I totally get that.  It poses a real problem when it comes time to do the right thing... what is the right thing?

The freedom trip in this country is a wonderful source of irony.   Everybody wants to be free to call their own shots, but you can't really.  If you have a medical condition you might not be able to ever quit your job and get another one and be covered for medical insurance.  How fucking free is that?  You are chained to your position in life or risk bankruptcy.  I guess as long as you are healthy you are free to move about without a safety net in a world that is spewing toxins left right and center for the good of the economy.  But if you want to put a little dental enhancement in the water... that is an outrage.

Our kids chew fluoride pills... i think it is safe to say that the scientific data is rather conclusive that fluoride is a positive with respect to dental health.  Sure there are other studies that state otherwise but there is also pages on creation science

n.

1. The effort to provide scientific evidence supporting the account of the creation of the universe related in the Bible.

2. Creationism.

I say to the people who start wars using religious political capitol that put depleted uranium in their bombs to fester on our earth creating everlasting toxins... next time you call for a war have the physicists  from the creation science department design your warplanes,  missiles and killing machines... but you wouldn't do that cause you know then that it's bullshit. 

did we just get on a war rant off a fluoride blog?  I guess we did... ahh but then we got into the mis-information campaign. 

I'd rather not put more chemicals into the water system for sure, but i think a little fluoride might really help some people out... but do they drink water from the tap?  Remember others are against that and like nice safe water that is trucked around in a diesel vehicle and sits in a "safe" plastic container... because they care about the environment.

Hockey Post

Thought i would title the post as that so if you find yourself categorized as a sensitive artist who is against sports talk then you can avoid it.  I know, the league fleeces it's fool consumers to record levels... they don't get my money, but neither do the credit card companies or the shopping malls...

So let's talk Toronto and Vancouver... my two hometown teams ( also noted that the Portland Winterhawks advanced in the whl playoffs).   Now the trade deadline is tomorrow and there is talk of trading a Vancouver goalie to Toronto.  Personally i think that's a bad move for both clubs.   I don't think Toronto will give up a lot for Luongo (the goalie in question), and ultimately their goalies have been performing pretty good.  It seems that in the past years some goalies have come out of the woodwork to play excellent hockey when it mattered most... Brayden Holtby a rookie goalie for the Washington capitals ousted the Cup champs the Boston Bruins in 7 games in the first round of the playoffs last year, and then took the Rangers to game 7 where they lost 1-0.  Jaroslav Halak led the Canadians on a Cinderella run in 2010.  Point is you never really know who is going to get red hot at the right time.  Leafs have 2 goalies who have played well and deserve the chance to shine.

On the other side of the coin we have Vancouver, who have 2 excellent goalies... now if you trade one of them and get little in return and the other goalie gets injured, like Dwayne Roloson was in game one of the  2006 Stanley Cup finals, then having 2 great goalies will come in handy... the Edmonton Oilers didn't have that luxury and lost in 7 games in the final. It is a situation that would be ultimately unacceptable should they trade Luongo and Cory Schneider were to get injured. 

Now both teams have played 36 games and have 44 points each, Toronto actually has one more victory... who would have bet on that?

If Toronto makes the playoffs and perhaps win's a round the city will be very happy as they haven't seen the playoffs in a long long time, while Vancouver's window to win it may be closing... meaning missing the playoffs or making an early exit will heed the call for head's to roll.

So if I'm Vancouver do i want to part with a good goalie (with a huge contract) to get little in return, when that goalie, working in tandem with the other goalie,  may actually give my team the best chance to win.

If I'm Toronto the risk is less... we have money we can buy him out if it doesn't work out, but perhaps you risk tampering with the chemistry your young team is generating, and robbing these up and comers of the chance to play meaningful playoff games, which could hurt their experience.

It's a pretty long bet that the Toronto maple leafs are winning the cup this year... never say never of course, but i would say the young team should go in there as a unit to see what they are made out of and learn.

Vancouver... it's a compact busy season, and apparently it was the long grind that wore them down a few years ago, so maybe having two top goalies and playing them both during the playoffs makes more sense than getting rid of one for little immediate help in return.

that's what i think

various random thoughts

Impostor syndrome- had a neat discussion about this disorder after giving somebody a window into my mind... always good to get a fine psychoanalysis while working the B.B.Q... and i mean that, even though i realize that statement might be humerus.. i mean humorous.   OK i went too far on that one and it took too much googling to get it right.  By the way Google accepts the word googling.   Why wouldn't it?  The canada Lynx records dictionary has it's own code as well.

Where was i?  Oh yes psychological disorders...  The competent person who see's them self as never really knowing enough, deals with the incompetent person, who is incompetent, and thus not able to understand they they are incompetent.   This always ends badly as one might be able to predict.

The interesting thing, to me, is that i never thought of an incompetent as not understanding their incompetence.  There is a neat line there because often with incompetent people you assign malice to their incompetence and think they are a hater, but really they are just a dummy bumbling along unaware of the chaos they are causing, always wondering why one of their ideas didn't work out and chalking it up to bad luck.  Where the competent person (with imposture syndrome) is aware of all of what they don't know and that preys on the brain's insecurities and causes one to think they don't know what they are doing so maybe they should listen to the incompetent who's gums are flapping.

I've never been one to suffer fools gladly, which is odd because i like to play the fool often times... it's about the comedy.  But this discussion has given me some clarity on some levels... for example:  A highly intelligent (which i am not) person who is very rarely wrong will often not be able to see when they are wrong because it hardly ever happens and so they can't recognize the feeling.  It might not be that deep down they are arrogant ass holes, but just unable to concieve that they are wrong (in their own head). Not an act of malice, but one of ignorance, which they don't recognize and have ever learned to deal with.

For a moment i was thinking of doing a psychology degree, but then i remembered how fucking annoying that might become sitting in a large class of incompetent people each one of them trying to sound intelligent while i start hating their heads... visualizing a shark attacking them and bursting out laughing, which in turn might stop the dialouge and turn attention to myself being asked to explain my outburst and then explaining how i was envisioning a shark attack a small percentage of the class is highly amused, many are perplexed, some are angered and many are confused... and I'm that guy.

let's move on... I'm just having fun here people

I think I'll be playing a show tomorrow... it's a strange twist of fate, but that's how i roll.

I'm not going to tell you why, cause it's not too important to this particular line of thought... let's just say an outside force has prodded me to play some music live for a good reason.  Good reasons being reasons that are good, of course.    So it's been a while since i have set out to book a show... now i learned from my Railway residency that if you want something you should just ask for it... so i set out on the street to get a gig in short notice.  I went to the neighbourhood places, cause if it works out and i get a spot to play i don't want to commute, plus the only people i know are in the hood... and i just think life should be that way.   So i go into show booker mode, but i have an ace up my sleeve i think to myself.  If you let me play here, you will get something good out of it, this i know... you will get publicity, the engine that turns the business world.  Don't think I'm on some high horse here, I'm just a player at the table that got dealt a good hand one day and is ready to double up.  The weird thing is i have kind of been in a semi-retirement for a year and a bit.  But i know life, and i have seen it's paths and when an opportunity is presented to you you can meet it or find a reason why you can't. 

Maybe it's a one time thing, maybe not.

The odd thing is the mindset i have gone through with regards to putting on a show... for one six hour period i was convinced that a 15 minute man show was required playing a few songs and some garden planting advise was the ticket... then when i ran into venues that might not be ready for me and busy with people who wanted to converse i was thinking i would just mime a set... which could represent the declining spirit and failure of the modern song smith as seen in this world troubled by rage, division, distraction and commerce. 

Has that been done?  Has anybody mimed a music set?  I'm sure it's a good idea... maybe one for Portlandia.  I have a few for them actually. 

I think "team"...  I'm like, i have a proposition for you... you need to let me do this here and this is what you will get... lets figure out what this is... let's make it weird,  and good, it can be short, it's not about me, it's about us.  It's hard to grasp... most people trying forcefully to get a gig usually think they might be owed something.  So when a guy comes in with an idea they go through many of the musician based paranoia's... it can't be amplified!!!  They say that because too many jackasses came in there and played at the decibel level of a jet engine... well they needed to rock and you can't take that from them right?  There are many paranoia's, all of them justified.

The interesting thing is me getting a set together and thinking about including some of the new songs i have recorded and written about Portland.  Writing a song on an 8 track and performing it solo in front of an audience that is not expecting you are 2 different things... but these are good struggles to have as a song curator.  I use to swear by it... play songs live to develop them... it is a good idea for sure.  It's just that not playing live is so good for my soul, or at least has been.  But i am the caretaker of these songs, i need to do what's best for them, so this opportunity has re engaged that debate. 

I don't believe in the "music scene", sorry, people out for themselves trying to pretend they care cause it will look good on them.  It's not a music thing, it's a human thing, of course there are exceptions and i have no ill will towards anyone, we are all just doing what we are doing for the reasons that seem right in our heads... and that's the way it should be.

Maybe i play music live this weekend... why? 

Because.

When the Money's gone

So far so good in terms of song releases... I got the first one out February 12, and now the second on March 12.

Seeing that the Ziop Pobertson PR stunt missed it's mark in terms of fine comedy I'll just let this one float out there.  There was a time i was going to have Ziop try to defend himself as a publicist by going up against a goldfish, proving that he is a better publicist than the goldfish, and therefore not the worst publicist in the world... i think it's funny, but i probably stand alone only to be written off as wacky old Super Robertson again.

Is it a good idea to have your music publicity as a joke? If you think in your heart that the music business is a joke in itself, does it make a difference?  These are the predicaments i find myself in from time to time.

Some dude was in a suit and tie (professional attire) when he proclaimed that global warming was a left wing conspiracy theory designed to part rich people from their money... an utterly ridiculous statement, given human nature.  Lets think about it for a second... if you are going to propagate a conspiracy theory aren't you going to want to gain money for yourself and your buddies? Like for example "lets start a brazenly illegal and immoral war so we can funnel money into industries that we will profit from", or "lets change the laws so that somebody cannot re-use their seeds from their crops but are forced to buy seeds from our company", or "hey we have this highly addictive product that will kill it's users, so we will just deny that we know it's addictive and destructive and carry on".

I just don't get how "Hey we are going to destroy the planet that is imperative to our survival as humans if we don't halt these insanely destructive practices" compares?  How does the scientist, who does unbiased, fact based work, benefit from trying to alert humanity of the grave dangers that certain activities will cause to our "living system"?  If anything he or she will get fired for speaking up against corporate interest... so where is the motivation?  Is it just the truth?

If you understand evolution are you against religion or are you just blessed with logical reasoning?  Maybe you can be logical and still enjoy the community that a church or religious practice provides.

If you protest when your country makes mistakes that will cost future generations severely (say you have children) are you a terrorist?  Or should you just go to your assigned protest pen off the beaten path and hold your sign that nobody will see to participate in the "new" democracy we have in our first world countries.

And when we fuck the planet up to the point of no repair do we have to listen to some ass hole say "nobody could have foreseen"?

As you can probably tell, I'm tired of this shit so i wrote a song called When the Money's gone asking the simple question... What is our move as a civilization once the corporations have made all of the money on activities harmful to the earth and there is no more money to be made?  Do we actually have to listen to some ass hole say something like "we are not sure that these activities caused this irreconcilable problem", or "nobody could have foreseen".

Its a stinking pile of shit and we all know it, or your salary depends on not knowing it, or you just don't care.


When the Money's gone (words)

Beside a tailing pond, a businessman sings the same old song
We got to destroy this place and move forward and win the race

Oh when the money's gone, can you catch fish in a poison pond?
Oh when the money's gone, do we look like the moon?
The words of a well written lie, the future Prime Minister did deny
Things that we put in the air, could ever harm anyone anywhere

Oh when the money's gone, can you grow food by a poison pond?
Oh when the money's gone, do we look like the moon?

A mighty enterprise fails, all you citizens get out your bails
We got to stick together, they'll flog the mules and then sell the leather

Oh when the money's gone, can you drink from a poison pond?
Oh when the money's gone, do we look like the moon?
Oh when the money's gone, do we breath the stench that lingers on?
Oh when the money's gone, do we look like the moon?

 

by SR

 

 

Independent artist "Super Robertson" stung by botched PR Campaign.

Canada Lynx records Kingpin Super Robertson is having a nice cold "regret-bath" after hiring Music Publicist Ziep Pobertson to promote his new single "Beardman Poets Lock Antlers".   Robertson, who came across Pobertson, by way of a "click add" on a stock traded social media site was promised the sun.  "He actually told me I would be like Icarus, except with metal wings, so they wouldn't melt in the sun... it sounded so cool I just went for it" rued Robertson as he ponders his fate.

Ziep Pobertson apparently guaranteed a viral video, which followed with a guarantee that within weeks Robertson would be playing sold out strip clubs as strippers lined up to get in.  Although there is still time, Robertson thinks he might have been had.

Robertson added, "Considering I had to refinance the house behind my wife's back, I kind of expected the sure thing I was promised with regards to this scheme".  Robertson then went to point out that the whole PR campaign was essentially a very low resolution shit together You Tube video posted a few lame times on Facebook, given one tweet, and not even emailed to anybody.  He also lamented the fact that in the video, Ziop Pobertson, straightened his tie a few too many times.

Ziep P, as he likes to be called, did not comment when he was tagged in a novelty photo at the time this went to press.

Robertson, who was in the corner babbling his lips, had only this to say.... "I need to get this thing off the Internet and start fresh and professional like."

Tuesday February 12, mark the date!

Tuesday February 12, mark the date!

SR

January 28, 2013

On Tuesday February 12, 2013, Super R will be releasing his new single "Beardman Poets Lock Antlers".  It will be the first release under the handle "Super Robertson" from the Canada Lynx Records camp. It will also debut art by the young budding Kaiya Magnolia Robertson (8 years old), who managed to capture the essence of 2 bearded men debating the art of poetry.  The song is constructed on a series of "Robertson logic based truisms" on living well and having fun in life while keeping a keen eye out for karma
The single itself was written and recorded in the newly constructed SR Sanctuary Studios located in Portland Oregon, and will mark Robertson's (pun intended) first commercial release since the 2011 "21 tandem repeats- One little dream".
Beardman Poets Lock Antlers was written on a banjo, an instrument Robertson took to mastering in 2012.
    Beardman Poets Lock Antlers (words)
I'm still young, I'm not old I got to get in from out of the cold
Some things they seem to be philosopher’s debate on what they see
In time let it go, you can't be fighting with the family so
Some are high, some are low time can turn the tables though
You drive but take it slow, just get to where you need to go
In time change your ways, it's not going to happen in a single day
Averagely all the time
If you fight, fight to win, no point sitting back and gambling
Red eyes viscous stare, the best thing to do is get out of there
Protest until the end, the best vote you have is the dough you spend
Many paths you can take, your life is the one you make
Some people get it right, they don't make a living they make a life
Bee’s will fly and birds will sing, just don't go talking with a ding-a-ling

Leafs: Feeling sting of not being "top news item" fire Burke to re-invent the brand.

The foggiest answer one could get for the reason of the dismissal of Brian Burke was that those who run the marketing for the Toronto Maple Leafs feel he wasn't right for the "brand".

Which is odd of course, because it's probably one of the only brands that is immune to being tarnished (from a business profit standpoint) ever, under any circumstances, proven track record.  The Hockey team was just rated by Forbes magazine to be worth a Billion Dollars despite over 40 years of mind boggling dysfunction and failure.

Good to see the marketing men have their priorities straight when it comes to running a hockey team.  Damn shame we will never get to see that HBO special on the Winter Classic... scene opens... Pan shot of Toronto... Narrator- "But Back in Toronto things are anything but calm as Hockey Nation calls for heads to roll after the ugly 8-0 loss in Philadelphia the other night.  A Local paper runs a story attacking the  leafs young goal tending tandem, and team General Manager Brian Burke is anything but amused"... (let camera roll on Burke).

That's the problem with television, it always lets you down.

But really, sources close to Leaf Management: The Rogers and Bell jingle department are rumored to have noticed that Toronto Maple Leaf Google searches had lagged behind "Pure NHL Google search quires" for the third day straight.   That's when veteran jingle smith Ralph Johnstonerbreath, who happened to be writing a song about Bell's new 19G smart phone for the upcoming spring commercial sessions, had the idea that the Leafs should make a big splash to steal the "thunder" from it's rival "NHL corporation", who had booked a press conference that day to announce the ratification of a new deal and to serve a symphonic and tear jerking apology to it's precious fans that it cares so dearly for.

So a 28 million dollar rapid micro study was commissioned asking the simple question "What move can the Leafs make that will cause the biggest splash on news sites with specific reference to news sites branded in the direction of our core company values connected to commerce opportunities".   It was then decided that firing Brian Burke was the direction the board of directors chose after an unfortunate debate on how to publicly "pants" team captain Dion Phaneuf showed no logical avenues for execution.

the latest little twist...

Hate to wade back into my unfortunate antler locking with the idle no more movement after criticising the move to "block transportation routes" as part of their protest, but there are a few things i would like to correct in my original post about this subject that became clear to me after some articulate social media discussion.

I wrote... "Why not clog the Government headquarters, or the industry headquarters that the Government cares about?  Probably because you will be maced, beaten, perhaps shot... is that it?".  Now i did not mean to suggest that out of cowardice, the protesters chose soft targets.  In my head i was thinking "why don't they shut down Parliament by ringing the fucking thing, everybody could get behind that... and then i thought, actually they would be removed pretty quickly on some anti-protest law hidden in some rouge Environmental accountability law".   I guess fair is fair, perhaps there isn't an anti-protest law hidden in an Environmental accountability Law, it might be hidden in the free speech law, or the equal opportunity law.

Sorry getting carried away, but i do apologize to the movement for insinuating  that they took the easy way out by standing on the street protesting.  It is not the easy way out at all, i would argue that it is the hard way down.  I do appreciate people helping me see the light, although something tells me that I'm not going to go far enough.

It reminds me of the feeling i had in my stomach when my place of work was about to go out on strike again, and i mentioned that if we go out on strike we will get killed in that fight.  I received rabid opposition to my position and was generally perceived as a traitor.  So you think we should just take this? This is totally unfair? We have to fight on principle! I would try to explain that 1) When i fight i fight to win only, and 2) Life is unfair get use to it, and 3) What good is principle if nobody adheres to it anyway.    Well that would really get the fur flying... What is the answer? I would get with angry face... Well the only one was work to rule... which i had been doing for years... do your job well in the time provided and deal with extras as the contract allows.  But you see all the people who wanted the fight over principle, many of those were the people who served their own needs first each and every day, and got use to that so when the claw came it had something to grab.  Of course the average profile of the person who had something the claw could grab couldn't afford to be without a paycheck for 5 or 6 weeks and they only found that out after 3 weeks on strike and then their tune changed a bit and all they wanted was to go back to work... so much for them standing strong in disobeying a "back to work legislation" passed down by your very employer.  Hey wait was that a trap?  Yes it was, and you hurt the business that you need to stay employed, and the Government wouldn't mind getting rid of that business and selling the real estate that it was on.  

I really believe strikes and protests are most often boomerangs that come back to wound those at the origin.  You see we live in an age of stupid fickle public, immediate shallow media coverage, and polls.

I saw the Idle no more movement gaining steam, heard the PM say "In this country people are allowed peaceful protests, as long as they don't break the law", and then next thing you know the movement is essentially breaking the law ( i would say minor) and inconveniencing a historically racial population of people (read the comments on news stories), for what gains?  Never the fuck mind about right and wrong, forget about history... this is 2013 and you are in a PR battle with one of the slipperiest, slickest, oiliest Political leaders on the planet.  This guy won an election as the leader of the only coalition party (Reform and Progressive Conservative), by scaring the country into the idea that if you vote for the other parties than they will form a coalition party that might try to govern and that would be a dangerous reckless thing to do.  It is actually an incredible accomplishment when you think about it, but that's the world we live in.  So don't make the news doing something "illegal" if you want a fight with this man. 

And as predicted, just in time a new news story has come out today, a death blow to the PR battle... apparently all the money given to the band over the years hasn't been properly accounted for. As a side note i think they should send that auditor over to look at Dean Del Mastro's campaign finances.. but why do that right.

Two things... I have a University degree, and My Wife has a PHD and we can't figure out or tax forms... cause that's the way the system is...  here's that money we owe you and here are the 7 thousand hoops for you to jump through.  The other thing is, now lets call a spade a spade.. we are all human and power corrupts... it's the golden rule, well one of them anyway.  For sure there have been times when Indian funds have been spent inappropriately, and to the racially charged electorate, they are screaming about their "tax dollars" whether they paid their tax or not.  I always pay taxes and you can give mine to the poor or disadvantaged anytime, I'm for socialism.  I just hate losing battles on bad strategy.

Prediction.  PM goes into meeting and considers more help on the condition of accountability.

Want to hear my advise?  Keep in mind I'm just a guy,  not even a real writer.

If you are living on a reservation where living conditions are horrible and there is no end in sight, then move.  I know that sounds harsh but there are still opportunities in this country that you are entitled to be part of.  I realize that European Settlers fucked you over rather severely time and time again and that humans have savaged the land and it appears will accelerate the savaging under our radical PM.  Also kind of hard to live off a barren, species depleted, polluted land... it pains me too beyond a region i have yet to comprehend as a human.  Perhaps it is the part Native I have in my blood, or at least the Native my dentist thinks i have in my blood because i have tannins in my gums and many Natives do, but i was adopted and don't know my heritage on that level.  It doesn't matter, we are all just human, that's where it's at now.  Hey if a Reservation is working great for all, then keep it going and you can send my tax money there.

Think of it this way 1000 years ago you are fishing on a river and your hole dries up you move down the river, don't be idle in your situation in life, make the change.  What is gone is gone, and it breaks my heart to say that but the truth is you could spend the rest of your live arguing about rights and wrongs. Now I'm not saying give up on treaties and agreed territories or payments, but rather if some situation is unlivable then get out of that situation, it might be hard, but you only have your life.  If you think that your leaders are going to take care of you when they haven't they are probably not going to.

For the record, don't take me as an authourity on anything besides living right.  These are serious issues affecting real people, and i hope for the best for all of them.  I am applying my logic to the situation they are in... my logic has served me very well in my life.

All right I'll say it...

What the fuck is with this idle no more movement blocking the transportation routes of the hard working citizens of a country, the same citizens being screwed by a Government that this protest is apparently targeting?  I think it's pretty clear that this Government answers to corporate interests with little regard for the well being of the future of it's citizens, so i ask why trouble the citizens?

Now I'm not denying the  injustice that spawned the movement, but rather questioning the method.  Idle no more, so go out and block traffic so that thousands of cars and trains are shut down to idle in the transportation routes.  Perhaps they should call it the "idle more" movement.  This way we can inconvenience each other and spew more pollution... maybe we can have some fights, block some doctors from getting to hospitals, teachers getting to schools.  Maybe some people trying to keep their heads above financial water might be late to work and have to fill out forms explaing why they are late and be docked pay for time off work, or at least have the opportunity for a long drawn out fight to prove it wasn't their fault.  Oh you had to give birth in the back of a car, and you had some complications... well you see we had to block the road to prove our point that the Government leaders should give a shit.

Why not clog the Government headquarters, or the industry headquarters that the Government cares about?  Probably because you will be maced, beaten, perhaps shot... is that it?

That it has come to this is bizarre at best...  So the PM meets with an Aboriginal leader on a hunger strike for a photo op, pretends to listen, makes some promises and then goes back to business as usual, because we know that is what is going to happen right.

If anything this could be a grand opportunity to slip a few more legislative maneuvers through while people are distracted.  It appears to me that an affective tactic for indifferent Governments to deal with movements like this are to let them swell the the point where the nusanse of their existence begins to tip the scales the the point where public opinion turns against the movement itself as people forget what it is all about and only see the nusance.  Was Wall street punished as a result of the "Occupy Wall Street" movement?  Or were the camps just eventually removed on court order?

If you get treated unfairly by your employer to you go and punch a co-worker to teach your employer a lesson?  It's like the new blueprint for losing a protest movement... and of course there are always plenty of radicals to join every protest... maybe they can go fuck some shit and be heard.

If i had a hammer

Should a man really be up until 4am trying to bounce track 3 and 4 to track 7 and 8, and then go to bed unsuccessful even after following the instructions?  I mean instructions are weird bastards... way too much info on the errant puffery and then at a crucial step something kind of gets sideways mentioned about some process that you should really know about.

I mean if i go and buy a hammer from the hardware store, bring it home, line up a nail and the thing surprises me with an unexpected and un-called for random back kick that knocks out my front tooth, am i then suppose to go an wade through a manual to find out how to shut off the random back kick feature of my new hammer? I guess i have to do it, cause teeth are expensive here in America... ahh there it is under functions in Menu 19... there it is on.  You wonder why somebody would put that feature in the hammer, but you know kids today... they listen to the trance music, which gives them the brain damage.

So there, i have my hammer and my nail, and my hockey helmet with face mask for good measure and it's time to get down to business... but the damn hammer won't hit the nail, are you fucking kidding me?  Oh wait i guess i need to pre enable this function... there we go, i enable the bastard, and to be honest I'm a little hot right now so i point the hammer at the nail and it leaps out of my hands hits the nail sideways and then drives it bent over into the pristine fir sideboard doing damage and causing more rage.  After another hour pouring over the fucking instructions it seems i had enabled the "bend the nail but keep smashing it into the wood sideways", also known as the "drunken carpenter" function.

Now i have to go online for help, cause that's what we do now... of course a youtube video with a man relaxing in a recliner as a hammer flies around and constructs a whole house for him as he naps in and out of consciousness.  It's a 15 minute video and the intro is 3 minutes long, and i think if i had my old hammer that nail would have been in in 4 seconds.