Saturday, November 24, 2012

What did i give this year?

It was Thanksgiving, so, as the leader said in yoga class "never mind the thanks... what did you give this year? ' And of course what can you give in the rest of the year?

Got me thinking... I started the year off by giving a show away.. a weekly slot in a club that i had created.  More the gift of opportunity for some people who like to make music and do their thing... i also gave away a perfectly good table hockey game, and a couple of broken amps hidden in the shadowy lust of the table hockey game.  Lets call a spade a spade... dumping shit you don't want on people is not always giving... but it looks good on a resume right?

Upon moving to our new city we gave our street a horse tire swing, which is a great gift... unless of course you are a parent with a young toddler trying to get somewhere on time and the kid see's the damn swing and next thing you know you have to lock antlers with an unreasonable screaming maniac... you know the move, walking down the street with kid under arm screeching, kicking, flailing and you just stay on course focusing on not taking a groin shot.

I gave some pretty good gobbles of comedy this year on social media which is a gift i think is highly appreciated by some... it makes for a nice break in the day.  I gave some decent gardening ideas, and i gave a few squirrels a new zip code on that note too.

I gave a couple of tricycles away, and i actually gave a solicitor like 25 big ones.  I was in the middle of writing a song called "when the $'s gone" when a fairly articulate and intriguing gentleman started going on about the evils of Monsanto... Well i was in there like flint adding my own reasons... by the time it got to the part where they need money to fight court cases to win GMO labelling legislation i was too far in to back out.  I tried to slam er into reverse but the dude jumped on the windshield and clamped on like a mating frog.  i knew i should help, so i did...  It was weird... i remember telling my wife "I gave money to a solicitor today"... long pause "what the hell?"... "Indeed, it is incredible... he won... i mean it was a good cause.. i hope".  A few days later i shut down the pot breathed guy trying to raise money for marijuana legislation. I did give him my neighbours name and email address.. so i was very giving in some ways.

I gave the gift of campfire songs to our family camping week, for good or ill.  Infecting the little brains with the ditty "Shaving Cream", causing them to sing it multiple times a day for months afterwards, which perhaps might drive somebody crazy... if they don't know how to deal with it.  Fight music with music, it's the best cure... blast a fine reggae album 6x in a row and you will be singing "well if you live in a glass house don't throw stones" and that "shaving cream, feel nice and clean shave every day and you'll always be keen" will be gone like a roast turkey accidentally left in a room with a large hungry dog.  It just disappears and nobody knows what happened.


I gave a few songs to causes, but nothing was heard, i give people food all of the time.. i always make too much... you know, you start cooking something and you take a diversion and then you get an idea, next thing you know you made 2 gallons of soup.. is that 8 Liters? Pretty much so Google tells me.

I should give more, although looking at it it's not like i ever really set out to give, it just worked out that way as a sum of all of the little decisions that came before.  Might be good to be more conscious for opportunities to give, something to think about.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Where was I...

Oh i think last time i was here i took a serious  turn and went into a different movie, or was it a wormhole?  Who knows...  on the positive side somebody sent me 13 fine alliterations about a clam named Craig... there is definitely enough material to write the song "Craig the clam".  It's not the kind of song that has to make sense... i use to argue with anybody that a song has to make sense... what i meant to say was a song needed a purpose... even simple Sean Simpson can see surly sometimes songs say several things.

Also in the news it appears that right wing jackasses, the opposite of left wing jackasses, are now admitting that global warming is a clear and present danger.  My opinion on this issue: "Too little too late you fucking son of a bitch now off with your head".    They should really prosecute  people who lead simple minded fools away from the idea of living in harmony with the planet that supports your life, because of course there was short term financial gain.  In my mind these are the worst criminals out there... they have stolen something from life itself, that may never be even able to be replaced, and they did it with cold hearts and vested interests.  Anybody smart enough to manipulate rubes, is smart enough to understand basic relationships between things, and so when you choose to understand your relationship with the industries that are paying you to propagate bull shit at the great great great cost of a depleted planet susceptible to all kinds of known horrors... it's fucking sickening.

Anybody who says things like nobody could have ever predicted should have their toung cut out immediately as full proof has been determined this person is not to be listened to... problem solved.

I mean it ain't going to happen, people are more upset at the idea that "Twinkies" might be no longer available... maybe I'm just jealous it wasn't me selling boxes of Twinkies to suckers on eBay for 100 dollars per box. That i can accept any day... suckers need to be fleeced... the sucker needs to be fleeced to maintain his or her status of a sucker... natural equilibrium depends upon it.  A sucker is a sucker, and they will always be a sucker so it's open season... be the one who fleeces the sucker for the most raw amount and feel good.  My ethical problem stems more from organizing suckers to fleece on mass to gain power to hose humanity for short term profit at the trade of long term decline.

Worse than a serial killer in some ways... i imagine the serial killer kills for the lust to kill, while the climate change denier kills for politics, for money, for power... and they don't just kill, they forever alter the only know thing that can sustain human life... you would think that might be important.

OK enough of that, it's a pit of negativity... indeed the power of life is strong, very strong, one of the great powers of life is in diversity.... odd that human leaders over time would use diversity as a wedge against the populations.  I guess the answer is that you use the wedge that works the best... Fear for example.

I have a strange relationship with fear, i seek my fears... within reason of course, but then again you could say that reason is in the eye of the beholder.  The reason i didn't snowboard between two rock cliffs to shoot off a 40 foot drop onto a 90 degree angle alpine snowfield was because i didn't want to die or be mortally wounded, and to me the thrill wasn't worth the ride. It's also true i had nowhere near the skill to even remotely consider it a possibility... but it was posed to me, one time, by a real human, in actuality thinking that for sure i would be into that.  Now i could go up on any stage and not have any plan, relying on wit's alone, really not understanding the whole picture of what was going on, and carry on, because it was what i thought i had to do to do what i wanted.

Wanting and doing and being.  Is this rock being?  the answer to that question is the word "incomplete" with the "c" backwards and the fresh ink smudged on the paper.  It was a philosophy class in an American University in the early 60's, one of the students in the class became a Vietnam draft dodger who became a biology teacher in West Hill Ontario.  The professor apparently came into the class, put a rock on the table and asked the class, "Is this rock being?" and then stood there for an hour, and this became every class.  Soon the group of folks just took turns going to class to see if anything new happened.  One day the Prof. appeared with his son, and the only thing the class could figure was that daycare fell through that day.  Then the final exam came and the prof told the class that the exam question would be... "was the rock in class being?"... A long essay on the concept of "being" gave you a slight passing grade but the word "Incomplete" with the c backwards and the fresh ink smudged gave you the top mark in the class.  I actually get it now for the first time ever.. i didn't mean to draw us down this alley when we started, it was fate... i have actually told this story before, but i think it's better this time, i got into the story on the right side of it.

Do you have the balls to tell your university instructor that the class they taught was incomplete and queer? Or do you go to the library and try to put a bunch of words together to make something wrong sound right and intelligent?  I get it... you would never get away with that now... there would be some news story on the Internet news, about how some teacher is drawing a salary teaching nothing, and fools will debate, but all the time the teacher is posing as something but actually being nothing in an attempt to dare the students into seeing what actually is.  Take in mind this is a lesson my grade 13 biology teacher passed on to his class one day on a king hell diversion that i remembered and now a short 25 years later finally understand myself.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

note to self about inaugaral jam

The new shockcentre took its first sonic workout on this night... a friendly cast of fine gentlemen laying down a series of original, cover and improvised grooves.

thinking...Where was i good, and where was i bad? What weaknesses must be improved upon.  Sharp brain and deft coordination would help

who are the people and what is the form... this is your key question old sport... make sure you answer that one correctly, nothing good or nothing bad.. it is what it is.

I was shining red with rust and blurred with intoxicants, but we had some fine moments.  "blurred with intoxicants" is that so you poo head... you just throw that one out there.  it is what it is man, he argues with himself.  Your are not really going to post this shit are you?  Well i reply... it's probably in my best interests. What about proper punctuation? LOL.

LOL is gay.

there i said it... gay is good, don't get me wrong.  Weird word... Gay.  Was created to mean happy (i think), then the word took a tarring as a negative term used in a hostile  and repressive society.  Real people took real beats for some reason in Scarborough when i was growing up.  If you were gay you sure as hell would have a better ride if you kept that to yourself.  I have hope for my children, the attitude of the newer generations, in some places, is one of more acceptance of difference among humans

probably shouldn't have used the word, now that i think of it...   how did a celebration of a music space opening tun into one king hell waffle about a word?

I blame LOL -are people really laughing out loud reading inane statements, or are they just trying to say "i read what you wrote and i want you to know it rather than what they should say which should be more in the lines of... yea real fucking funny you toxic toad, now go get yourself some natural sunlight and see if we can try and get on those rickets".

I'm joking, calm the clam down...Calm and clam, that's like a mini alliteration right? Do you need 3 words for a proper alliteration.  Calm clam catastrophe... the clam is calm because it doesn't understand the catastrophe... The clam has a very basic central nervous system that is more reactionary and less forward thinking.  But the clam doesn't need to be that bright because the clam gets to hang out at the bottom of the ocean filtering all of the toxins... not the kind of gig that one would strive for... now i don't mean to come down on the clams,, I'm sure it would be very fulfilling to lay among the garbage in the cold ocean.  On the bright side you probably wouldn't have to deal with a lifelong shark paranoia.  Even if a shark with shitty eyesight could see you it's not going to think "hey i better take a bite out of that ocean floor to get a taste of that calcium pod and somewhat rubbery innards with excrement present.  Sharks are looking for that dude who thought he would push his luck one last time for a nice ocean swim.  That why i try to skull when I'm in the ocean... a little tip from me to you... no thrashing just a confident missile in the water.

So yes the jam was a good time... i feel erratically creative, which is a good spot for me


What does this mean

The clam and shark bit might have merit... i guess i have to write a song about a clam and shark paranoia.. there are so many ways to go on this one.

The clam is one simple slow melody, and the shark is a majestic one, and they occupy the same space without every really knowing they exist.  they are in their own dimension, and the dimensions don't intersect.

I'm the clam, I'm the clam.... Shark don't like to announce his presence, more of a bite and how do you do kind of socialite.  Perhaps it should be set in a fish and chips joint, and the clam is a dishwasher and the shark is a live lobster that looks cooked only springing into action to tweak the nose of the hungry customer... and the manager comes out to see what the fuss is about and notices stains all over the dishes and goes into a soliloquy ruing the fact he hired a clam as a dishwasher, overlooking the fact that the clam had a vary basic central nervous system and was unable to understand tasks... just when they are trying to solve the mystery of how the clam partially did the dishes the shark has to get out of the lobster suit and get back into some water to sooth those gill arches and replenish that oxygen... then the shark and the producer get into an argument over whether this scene is really working and the producer goes ape shit and starts berating the shark and makes the fatal error of going into the water to finish the verbal "chewing out".   It's at this time that the shark does the chewing, and it's over before it begins.. but what happens to the clam? The clam of course becomes the head of a multinational corporation doing a tireless round of PR interviews about environmental assessment never really giving anything away and in hence doing triples profits.  Now so other companies, in order to compete put clams on their board of directors and executive roles... slowly more money is funneled into hybridized clam stem cell research in order to develop cognitive clam thought, and a breakthrough is made growing clams a second foot giving the clam leaders the chance to pace back a forth in a press conference, still saying nothing but changing enough to calm the average consumer into thinking progress is being made.

I fear the test of tomorrow


Monday, November 12, 2012

need new vacuum

Do i buy online and waffle over various reviews typed in by paid rubes and disgruntled maniacs.  For example one of the bad reviews when on and on and then pointed out that the attachment could barely reach the ceiling (which happened to be 9 feet).  So essentially i am spending time reading the writings of some damn fool that vacuums their ceiling... wow.  The other alternative is to go into a store and suffer the presence of a vacuum salesperson.  Knowledgeable, perhaps, but not necessarily, pushy probably, able to generate a spell that hangs and haunts the room moaning "just buy and get the fuck out of here".  To me there is nothing more annoying than being the "customer " in the sales job... i personally don't find any part of it fun or even remotely amusing.  Well i guess that time when we were buying the Toyota Matrix and i was driving and getting a little tired of that pandering car salesman telling me how smart i was for asking basic questions... then i just stomped on the accelerator  and his eyes nearly popped out of the sockets, he was frantically waving his arms saying please don't hurt the car.  It was funny, and when we got back to the lot he was kind of hyperventilating but he also stayed focus on task as he had a sale to reel in.  He told me the light that said the car was locked was an alarm... i asked him how to work the alarm, and he told me i was smart and then pointed out that this car will tell you the temperature outside and inside.. pretty smart eh!

I might even choose swimming in the freezing Ocean over going and dealing with a vacuum salesperson... at least then i would be thinking about how fucking cold i am and that maybe standing in a vacuum sales department listening to utter gibberish ain't that bad.

Vacuum's are bastards... so many designs, so many cheap fucking flimsy parts... i need stairs i need carpet in need hardwood floor.  rather than make a vacuum that is solid and powerful the vacuum industry is into "micro markets".  This particular piece of shit will somewhat suck some crumbs off your hardwood floor until the time the warranty runs out and then it will crack blowing dust everywhere and then burst into flames taking the neighbourhood with it.

Used vacuum? What if there is a bed bug in that vacuum? As dad use to say, one step forward and 4 steps backward.  Lets put it this way, being an uninformed consumer is worse than being a fish and chips eating ass hole under a flock of seagulls in my books...  But what does it mean to be informed with all of this information that is actually carefully crafted bull shit to sway my opinion?   But i need a vacuum.  I hate decisions... i will make the decision and forever regret it.  I can make art decisions much better, this should go like this, but i guess you get to craft the answer... in the world of vacuum sales you just try to find the least flawed product and hope that you don't get a lemon to avoid dealing with customer service than can always bring up the stroke risk.

Even the idea that somebody will try to sell me an extended warranty, using fear tactics, will irritate me beyond belief.  so i buy a warranty and then shit goes down and somebody finds a way for the warranty to be void... well i guess i should put the recycling and compost out... any ideas?

Friday, November 02, 2012

I knew i should have tossed those underwear

So i went to Yoga today... you know to try and get some balance, some perspective and some deep breathing and being shammed into doing core ab work.

A little banjo in the room before hand that maybe jammed on a bit too long, so i thought i was running late... but we do have a weird thing with time around here.  I don't get it but it happens... every clock is set at a different time and they are all running early...  I think it's to trick the homeowner into a rush panick hence motivating the said person with a deeply ingrained fear complex. I do get to things on time, except for morning school but i'm usually right in under the line.

So yes I was running what i thought is late, but not so...  I almost forgot the water bottle... not good... already dehydrated from too much coffee. So I grab it and throw it in with mat, shirt and shorts... later in the change room i notice my water bottle top has come off in my bag wetting my shirt and shorts.  Oh NO! grab the water and upright it, put shorts on hook, check shirt and mat.. not too much water it's OK... take wallet and keys from pants and put beside bag.. bag is wet, put shirt on, pack away clothes, focus on wallet... become obsessed about losing keys and wallet.. top up water bottle while deciding to put wallet and keys in wet bag, because wet bag is still secure bag... see clothes in cubby, grab bag with wallet and keys, grab mat, grab water and go out and set up.

Surly i would have grabbed less attention with shorts on rather than entering in my late Fathers recycled underwear... i rarely wear that pair cause they are a little ratty... they don't even fit properly.  Dad bought underwear most likely on sale but it was too big for him, but he couldn't take them back so i had to take them so we can all sleep at night knowing that we didn't waste any money.

I think everybody in the class looked at this as a generally unfortunate  incident, but being Yoga people they were mostly like "yes that did happen, i observe things, and i will now breath this away"

I can only guess what they were thinking... i felt the room change and in the mirror, i saw myself... oddly enough it was the weird tufts of hair i have on my neck that jumped out at me, and then the fact that the left Handlebar moustach was tucked under my chin and the right one was at a 45 degree angle to my right cheek...

And then i actually though for a second "why is this mirror not showing my shorts?" Right around the thought "Those Underwear, are you serious..." i was definatley jolted by the release of some panic mammilian neurotransmitter, that actually shook me for a second.

In the end it was a fine class and i opened some regions and on the beautiful walk home i witnessed 3 electric leaf blowers.  It was taking the suckers forever and one guy had terrible posture.  i could have had that area raked in 1/5 the time... but we all make mistakes from time to time.


Thursday, November 01, 2012

I guess i should clarify a few things...

I don't hate my neighbour, she is a nice person, i have helped her and will do so again, and she has helped me.  It's just the form of this blog... It started here... it reads backwards so you need to scroll down to the bottom to check out the mission statement.  I'm interested in what i think and when i think it... maybe I'm one of those megalafuckingmaniacs, but perhaps not seeing that a megalomaniac would probably be more keen to manage a sharp online presence that glorifies themselves rather than an longstanding admission of failure, perhaps it falls in the reverse psychology field... clearly i shouldn't think about perception cause it tailspins me in the wrong direction...

So if a leaf blower arrives in your conscience and you find yourself consumed by unwelcome thoughts and you lay those thoughts down, you are in fact just releasing them and it stands as a record of what you felt in that moment for whatever reason.  I believe in looking back honestly at everything to try to understand situations and myself in them, to be better in the future.  Now the part about the brick through the window... i was just trying to be funny... i just envisioned a brick and a window and i giggled a bit.  But under no circumstances  should one ever throw a brick through a window... it's dangerous.  If you didn't have your slippers on you could get a sliver of glass in your foot.

She just happens to love things that i hate... at least she is loving things... sorry that's all i can do... i went to envision the squirrel nest in the front porch and my brain fell off a cliff again ( i was going to try to say something nice about it).

Sometimes a blog just shits on things and yes... it soils itself in the process, and you can spend all your energy on clean up and fall into a funnel cloud of self analyzing, or you can move on to the next episode.

For the record, it's usually comedy i am going for.  I remember one intimate moment with Dad i was lying on the couch and he was sitting on the floor.  He was talking and i was busting a gut, and he stopped , tilted his head slightly and and looked at me through those blue eyes curiously smiling "you just think everything is funny, don't you"... pretty much.

Rage and negativity have their place... take it from me, a happy person in a great life.  A lot of people can't handle rage and negativity, and yes if you spend all your time in that dark place your life will be worse more often than better, but the light of a new day is a beautiful thing after a dark night.. if you keep artificial lights on all of the time you will miss the contrast.

It's like many humans, they are fucking idiots, buying garbage they can't afford that ends up floating in an ocean slowly leaching toxins into the planet that we need to sustain our lives. On one hand you want to go punch them all out, but on the other you will end up with a sore fist, criminal charges, and you will surly meet your match sooner rather than later... if you can't beat them do you join them? Or do you try to be the change you want to see in the world?  You probably use either excuse to suit the position you are in at the moment rather than harping on your failure, right. In so doing you alter the history of your conscience to suit the needs of your immediate... then you lose because you don't learn the lessons because you hide the facts. If i hear a leaf blower and lose my shit then I'm bat shit crazy... because as you know, you can't swing a dead squirrel without hitting some hammerhead revving a leaf blower.  All over the place people are paying others to clean their shit, and the guy getting paid can maximize profits by just blowing the dirt away from the "clean zone".  And maximizing profits is a most celebrated event in our culture.. you might even say the whole process is good for the economy, which happens to be another bell dinger. You blow the shit out onto the street take off, and the wind blows the shit back and you have a job the next week... you are buying gas and oil and earplugs and the local businesses thrive... and some jackass thinks this is bad?

I think of it like this: I can have a perspective on something and some other dumb simpleton can have an opposite position.  At this point you can fly into a rage and let it out, or you can slowly stew, or you can engage that person in an effort to enlighten them and then find out that their brain is just one big empty cave with a bunch of bad ideas backed up by incredulous misconceptions about the very nature of how things actually are.

Just have fun with life, get into it... go down with your ships but rise again in a stronger unsinkable vesicle. Of course there is no unsinkable vesicle, as we learned in 1912, but it's OK to think you are unsinkable from time to time... live life with the heart of a lover, walk tall and you shall hover (from the song "the key of 5").

So what goes on in my head goes on in my head... i would never harm anyone.. unless it was a rodent or an accidental hockey collision... anyhoo i just thought I'd try to shine a bit of light on the reality of what goes down here as there seems to be some people who are getting to know me and perhaps glance at this blog from time to time, and might not see the humor as humour but rather disturbed mental imbalance.

We are all given the beauty of life and as my history teacher Mr. Mallinson once said "everybody should have the right to choose how he or she lives their life".  I don't give a rats ass about popularity, as in my experience putting efforts into that always leads to ruin... I'm me and I'm interested, with respect to this blogi apparatus (right Mule), my truth... and i love rage heroes, so i try to be one.

SR